


Marry me a little

by Nookirby



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jen is angry and annoyed, Judy is so in love, also this is like after s2 Right After, gay bitches they be gay, like always, might ignore everything about the actual plot, this is some fake married shit kings 🥺🙏🏻
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25016434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nookirby/pseuds/Nookirby
Summary: After a little slip up by Judy and Jen's failed anger management, Lorna now thinks that the two of them are about to get married. Jen's too petty to let the act go and admit it's a lie, and too oblivious to see that Judy is clearly in love with her.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 94
Kudos: 257





	1. We are in deep shit

**Author's Note:**

> ok so fake marriage shit? crazy n unrealistic right like no one is going to keep up the act for like some dumb as reason but consider this .... Jen is Very Petty...... She Be Hating Lorna...... so .... you convinced yet that unlike every other fake dating fic this makes sense clearly? 
> 
> kings im doing my best also !!! gonna attempt to fully dive into the Judy pov w this one! vry excited
> 
> i might not update the next chapter to this this week bcs im still finishing up Teach me to love again and theres probably gonna be at least 2 more chapters to that, ill continue this once im done with that one. But i had this chapter ready so i thought id post it bcs why not. this one was supposed to be just a few chapters just a fun lil thing but it might be longer than that we will see.

When Judy first opened her eyes after the accident, her first and only thought was Jen. She felt weak but considerably better than she had expected based on the pain following the crash. But Jen had been in much worse condition, and Judy couldn't even imagine what she must be going through. She looked around to see she was in a small hospital room with a window, that was covered by blinds. No one was in the room so she assumed they hadn't noticed Judy woke up. She started getting out of bed and dragged herself to the door to see if anyone nearby might be able to help her find Jen.

"Miss? Is there a problem?" She was almost immediately met with a concerned nurse.

"I was in a car crash and there was another woman in the car. I would like to know shes alright and go see her." Judy said, trying desperately to sound coherent enough that she would be allowed such privileges. She wasn't quite sure how serious her own injuries were.

"Go back inside, I'll be with you in a second, okay?"

Judy wanted to fight back and say this was an emergency, but she could see that the woman was in a hurry and didn’t want to take up her time in case someone was in need of help, so she nodded politely and went back into her room. Once sitting on her bed, she briefly considered leaving the room and going to find Jen herself, but that way she probably wouldn't get to properly discuss Jen's state of being, in case she was not doing well. Judy dreaded the idea, but wanted to hope for the best.

Judy waited for what felt like forever, but was probably closer to 15 minutes, before the woman came back.

"You're Judy Hale?" The woman was looking at some papers and briefly glanced at Judy to catch her nodding.

"Your vehicle was hit by another car earlier today.You were lucky, got away with some nasty bruising."

"What about Jen?" Judy interrupted, knowing the woman would probably get there eventually but she really needed to know right now that the blonde was alright.

"Jennifer Harding? She's in stable condition right now."

"Can I see her?" Judy had tears in her eyes, despite knowing the woman was at least alive. "Please, can I see her?" Judy was practically begging now.

"Are you a partner or a relative?"

"Partner. I'm her wife." Judy said before getting a chance to think over what had already come out of her mouth. She knew that she had a better chance at seeing Jen if she wasn't just a friend that was in the car when the crash happened. And she really wasn't. They lived together and had kids together and loved each other, but right now Judy was in too much of a hurry to explain the nature of their relationship. So she was Jen's wife.

"Very well. I have to go check whether the doctors see best to allow her visitors right now, I'll be back soon."

"Thank you so much."

Judy waited once again, growing more impatient as time went by. She was trying to keep her mind clear and ignore the feeling of fear about how badly banged up Jen must be and whether she might not recover. Everything had to be okay. The boys didn’t deserve to lose their mother.

"She is ready to see you now." Came from the door, and Judy jumped up from her bed, in a hurry to put an end to those unhappy thoughts.

"Is she going to recover?" Judy asked as they walked to the direction of Jen's hospital room.

"She has a good deal of broken ribs and her head got hit very hard in the crash, but I've been told her condition is stable, and she will be just alright. She just needs a bit of time to recover, and some help and support."

"If there's anything I can do, I will gladly help." Judy offered. "We live together, so I can take care of her if that's needed."

"She is very lucky to have you." The nurse noted as she stopped in front of a room that Judy assumed was Jen's. She opened the door and Judy barged right in, to see Jen, her Jen, bruised, and hurting. The sight broke her heart. But when their eyes met, Jen managed to give her a smile, which brightened the moment instantly.

"I'll leave you two alone." The nurse said as she exited the room.

"Your wife?" Jen smacked Judy lightly as soon as the nurse was gone. "Why'd you say I was your wife?"

"I was nervous they wouldn't let me see you if you were in really bad condition." Judy, said, hoping it would excuse the slip that she wasn’t sure had that much rational reasoning behind it. Judy felt so happy and relieved that even seeing Jen grumpy and annoyed gave her peace.

"God, Judes." Jen just groaned and let her head fall back on the pillow.

"I'm glad you're alright." Judy took Jen's hand in hers instinctively and the two's eyes met in silence. Everything felt alright now that they were together again, Judy thought to herself.

Their loving gazes turned to the door in shock once they heard a familiar voice coming from behind them.

"Jennifer! What happened?" Lorna yelled out, not caring that she had clearly interrupted Jen and Judy's moment. Jen unclasped her hand quickly from Judy, making Judy glance back at her hand, now alone on the duvet, still reaching out for something. Jen didn't seem to notice, as she was immediately more focused on getting Lorna to leave.

"Car trouble. Seems to be a lot of that going around in this family."

"They were hit by another car, thankfully both will make full recovery." The nurse popped up behind Lorna.

"Why'd you let her in?" Jen was annoyed but realistically everyone who knew Ted's mother even a little, understood that nothing could stop Lorna.

"She said she was your mother in law, so I assumed she came with her daughter." The nurse pointed at Judy who was immediately aware of how badly she had fucked up.

"What?" Lorna was confused and Judy just buried her face in her arms.

"She's my husbands mother. He passed away." Jen explained calmly and Judy was holding out hope that Lorna would just let this go.

"I see.” The nurse looked apologetic and had no idea how much drama she had caused just now. “IIs there anything you need before I go?" The nurse offered but Judy was already thanking her and refusing to let her go out of her way to do anything for them.

"No no. Thank you so much for your help Liza." Judy gave her a warm smile, one of her signature ones, and Liza once again, left them on their own with a very frustrated Lorna.

"Jennifer what is going on?" Lorna raised her finger at the blonde as she approached, she was clearly not there to play games. "The nurse thinks she is your wife?" Lorna pointed at Judy annoyedly, making her wince a bit.

"Yeah I..." Judy looked at Jen who was struggling to speak. The brunette was unsure whether she should speak up since she caused this awkward encounter. It wasn't really even a horrible crime, just a little white lie, they'd done worse. And surely this situation wouldn't escalate further. "Because she is."

And it definitely escalated. Judy just stood perfectly still, in shock. Jen looked over at her intensely, clearly wanting her to say something.

"I am yes." Judy nodded nervously, not knowing where this was going.

"Excuse me? And I wasn't told about this because?"

"Honestly it's none of your business Lorna." Jen said coldly.

"I think it's very much my business!" Lorna didn't like being talked back at. "And the boys don't know it seems?"

At that Jen was silent and Judy was mentally slapping herself. This had gone far enough, she had to say something. She had to make it right.

" Actually Jen just proposed today and we were going to tell the boys tonight." Was what came out of Judy's mouth and it was an eloquent lie but definitely not the best course of action for now.

"Yet they don't even know you're dating? And don't even deny that, because I bribe Henry to tell me about any erratic behavior you've exhibited, every time the boys come over. And this? Is absolutely insane, Jennifer."

"They don't know because we haven't really found the right time to tell them yet with everything going on, and I honestly kind of forgot about it, I mean Judy does live with us, it's obvious don't you think?"

Lorna was just quietly staring at Jen like she was batshit crazy.

"And the boys are definitely gonna take a break from visiting. Bribes? Come on just ask me if you're worried about something."

"You hang up immediately when I try to call." Lorna started to get more defensive.

"That's not true is it? God I have to remind myself to not even answer." Jen was conversing so lightly that Judy almost forgot about the circumstances.

"So why'd you say you're married?"

"We are getting married in a month right babe? I got ahead of myself because I must be so excited to marry this one."Jen looked over at Judy, who was currently trying to stop herself from having a breakdown in the corner. Jen pointed at her playfully and blew a kiss her way much to Lorna's annoyance and disgust. And Judy knew that Jen could definitely relate to Lorna’s reaction. Only to annoy the shit out of Lorna, would she pull sappy things like this. And maybe sometimes when Judy really needed some tenderness. But they didn't speak of those moments out loud.

"Yeah." Judy replied quietly but Lorna cut her as soon as she opened her mouth.

"Now that's a stupid idea if I've ever heard one." Lorna whined, not being able to settle down, even now, knowing the fake facts that she was given. "I guess lesbian weddings are more of a casual gathering at the ranch than your typical church event, but I would've thought..."

"We are getting married at home, with some close friends." Jen lied so smoothly and moved the story on so quickly Judy was impressed and also thankful that the attention wasn't on her. "Don't worry, naturally you aren't invited." Jen smiled smugly before turning her attention back to Judy, a bit of worry making an appearance across the blonde's face.

"I'm going to go now, the kids are with Christopher and I do not believe in his babysitting skills." Lorna looked over at Judy disgustedly, and it had been pretty clear from the get go that she wasn't a fan of Judy. Judy shrunk even smaller in the corner and held her breath until Lorna turned again to address Jen. "I'll tell the kids that you're okay. You can talk about this mess yourselves but I do hope you'll come to your senses before the time for that comes. She's probably with you for the money and a place to live, wasn't she homeless before?"

"No, actually I had a nice room of my own thanks to my work. And I have painted some pretty lucrative art so I'm very much capable of taking care of myself.." Judy said in a moment of sudden confidence perhaps gained from the desperate need to cut in before Jen would attack Lorna and they would have another body to get rid of.

"Alright then." Lorna rolled her eyes in disbelief as she passed Judy. "You'll be hearing from me."

"Can't if I don't pick up the phone!" Jen yelled after her. "What a bitch." Jen muttered to herself.

"Uhh... Jen. What just happened? Why did you do that?" Judy was in full panic mode.

"I just.. I don't know. I didn't want her to yell at you and I just really wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine."

"And that medicine is a marriage?" Judy was getting worked up and very close to crying. What were they going to tell the boys.

"I was going to tell her that it was a joke before she left." Jen defended herself.

"And? What happened there?" Judy was feeling uncharacteristically annoyed right now and couldn't stop herself from snapping at Jen, but following the slight raise in her voice, came a sad pout.

"I know, I know. I'm in deep shit." Jen seemed surprisingly calm about it considering that the stakes were pretty high. This was a lie that was going to affect their lives.

"No. We are married, and share fucking everything. So we are in deep shit." Judy was pulling her hair hard enough to need implants after this mess was sorted out.

"Actually, We aren't married yet so this one is on me. But thanks." Jen opened her arms to give Judy a hug and Judy gladly threw herself into Jen's arms, as carefully as she could, not wanting to hurt the other woman.


	2. Making marriage a hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall its been a few weeks since the first chapter but heres the second one! im done with teach me to love again so now this is getting picked up. theres gonna be updates like every few days or so.
> 
> also i cant remember what i said in the notes of the first chapter but i doubt ill be getting into the like Plot of the last season so i apologize.. this will just be some gay yearning sadly. And charlie doesnt know about the whole everything so. thats how its gonna go.
> 
> also i do be not knowing shit about any medical shit so go easy on me in the next few chapters bcs i aint gonna do research baby we wing it under this roof

Jen had to spend one more night at the hospital under a watchful eye before she was given permission to go home. Judy stayed by her bedside all night through, like a good wife would, and went home first thing in the morning to get the car, knowing Jen would feel significantly more comfortable and at ease at home than midst all the nurses running from room to room. Once they were finally in the car, life felt normal for a moment. Until Judy heard a groan of pain coming from the seat next to her. And all of a sudden she was back to what their life was now, surprise weddings and car crashes.

"You alright?" Judy glanced over to Jen, who was holding her stomach, clearly in pain. Dumb question.

"No I'm not fucking alright. Hurts like a bitch." Jen whined.

"Can I do something to help?" Judy offered, though she doubted there was much she could do.

"Drive faster, I want to get home." 

"Have you thought about what we will tell the boys?" Judy turned to look at Jen after she didn't hear an answer. "About the marriage I mean. About us."

"I don't fucking know." Jen snapped clearly still in pain. She looked over at Judy who immediately went quiet, and took a few deep breaths. "I guess we will tell them we are in love and getting married. And then we'll divorce after a few months."

"Don't you think that might affect Henry negatively?" 

"The kid has gone through some shit. And we don't need to make it a messy divorce, we will still stay friends and you'll live with us. We'll just tell them it didn't work out."

"I guess that doesn't sound too traumatizing." Judy sighed, not very convinced that this was all magically going to work out.

"Judy, it's going to be okay." Jen reached out for Judy's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I can make you breakfast in the morning? You get all the fucking wife perks." 

"I doubt you'll be giving me many perks in that condition. And I would rather skip the breakfast offer anyways." Though wife perks sounded fairly inviting, once Judy started really thinking about all those times Jen had almost burned the house down, it was pretty clear who would do what chores in their marriage. She definitely wasn't letting Jen touch the stove.

"Hey! I've made some fucking amazing  omelets !" Jen laughed a bit before wincing again in pain.

"At what cost?" Judy teased her.

"Fuck you." 

"Just leave the cooking to me." Judy said, wanting to assure Jen that everything was under control, and she could just rest.

" So you're my little housewife then?" Judy gulped at the tone of voice Jen had chosen to tease her in. It was too flirty for this early in the morning, and it was impossible for Jen to not notice the blush across  Judy’s cheeks that she was responsible for.

"For the next few  months, I might as well be.  Kinda missed out on the whole marriage thing with Steve." Judy's voice carried lightness, not letting Jen know that the whole concept of marrying Jen sounded pretty nice actually, and Judy wouldn't mind sharing the rest of her life with the woman. 

"Well I'm warning you, my track record with marriage isn't that good, so maybe you want to reconsider your choice." 

"I don't think there's anyone I'd rather marry." Judy said, a bit too earnestly, but Jen didn't seem to catch it since the blonde only chuckled for a bit before getting back to complaining about the pain.

\---

Once Jen and Judy got home, the kids were already there, with Lorna. So they really had no choice but to go all in with this whole marriage thing. Jen was already leaning onto Judy for support, but Judy firmly placed her hand onto Jen’s waist, whispering “just in case” into Jen’s ear, hoping that Jen would just lean into it. And she did. Anything to anger Lorna, it seemed.

“Hi!” Judy smiled awkwardly, already feeling like she couldn’t go through with this, but Jen apparently sensed her distress and wrapped her arm around Judy as well, pulling her closer. Judy felt comforted despite being certain that it was mostly for Lorna.

“Mom! Judy!” Henry yelled out, and ran to them, but stopped before going in for a hug, already having been told by Lorna, that her mother isn’t in the best condition right now. Jen just pulled him in for a tight hug, and Judy had to admire her dedication, since she seemed to be in quite a lot of pain.

“Hi guys.” Charlie greeted them, sharing a shy smile with Judy. “Glad you are both alright.” 

Judy opened her arms and the brunette was slightly surprised to see Charlie make his way to her immediately closing her into a tight hug.

“Missed you.” He whispered quietly into Judy’s hair, before pulling away and acting as if nothing had happened. 

After what Lorna felt like was enough hugging, she cleared her throat, making her presence known to Jen and Judy, who shared a tight smile. Now was the time to just come out with it. Tell the truth, that was not really a truth but a lie.

“We have some news for you guys.” Jen announced immediately, and Judy turned to her, panicking about what was to come. “This accident really made me and Judy realize that...  uhh ... you know... we only live once, and it’s important to be honest with you guys.” Jen looked at Judy for reassurance. “So here it goes. Me and Judy, we are together and we are getting married.” Judy could see Jen giving Lorna a nasty look following her announcement. Judy just smiled shyly, not wanting Lorna’s rage to fall on her. Though it already seemed to have, since she seemed to think Judy had seduced Jen somehow, and was using her. 

“What the fuck mom?” Charlie threw his hands in the air. 

“I know it might come as a surprise-”

“No. I totally get that you’re together, but you really think it’s a good idea to get married right now? With the accident and everything?”

“I...” Jen was at a loss for words and looked over at Judy, who was just as shocked. “I just can’t wait to marry Judy, honey." Judy's heart was beating fast at the sentiment, and she was cursing herself for agreeing to do this. To hear Jen say all these things about her for the next several months would be torture, when Judy knew it was all for show. "This is really important to me. To us." Jen ruffled Charlie’s hair and gave his forehead a kiss.

“What do you think about this Henry?” Judy asked the boy, who hadn’t said anything yet, and seemed to be deep in thought.

“Are you guys lesbians? Like Tom’s moms?” Was all that Henry had to say on the subject.

“Well... we don’t actually have to be lesbians to get married.” Judy pointed out. “Lesbians, are women who only love women, and I really don’t discriminate to be honest.”

“Me neither.” And Judy’s eyes were instantly on Jen, suddenly coming to terms with the fact that, Jen wasn’t straight. She must have been staring for quite a while, because Jen looked right at her, with questioning eyes, finally making her turn back to the boys.

After some brief explaining (the boys seemed to be surprisingly fine with it) Lorna finally left, but not before offering to help with the wedding, which Judy had accepted, defending later to Jen that they really needed all the help they could get, since Jen wasn't in a very good condition. Lorna had left behind some food that Judy heated up for them in the kitchen.

“Judy?” Came Charlie’s voice from the doorway.

“Yeah? What’s up Char?” Judy turned to him.

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked seriously, the lightness of the conversation from earlier completely gone.

“What?” Judy was confused at first, having completely forgotten about the mess they were in already, as it hadn't seemed to change anything.

“What’s going on with this marriage thing?” Charlie interrogated, and Judy was desperately trying to not let her nerves show.

“What do you mean?” She played innocent.

“Come on. Please don't fucking lie to me.”

“We are kind of doing it just to spite Lorna.” Judy admitted. There was no point in lying to Charlie, since he was almost an adult. He might as well be in on the plan.

“Mom’s idea?” Charlie was acting like a disappointed parent, and Judy found the reversed roles amusing.

“Mhhmm. You know how she gets.”

“Yeah, she's so fucking stubborn." Charlie was groaning, now feeling the weight of this mess as well. "Well...I’m sorry. I know how much you like her. Must not be easy for you.”

“What are you-”

“It’s pretty clear, Judy." Charlie interrupted, not needing to hear her rambling. "I mean I doubt mom knows, but I can see you’re into her. The whole talk you gave to me about love in the car? I’d be blind to not see it was about mom.”

Judy just stood there, silently in shock, trying to put on an uncomfortable smile, but failing. She started fiddling her fingers as she went over what Charlie had just said.

“Charlie I-” She started, her voice shaking a bit from nervousness.

“You don’t need to say anything. But I think you guys should maybe consider not getting married to prank grandma.” 

"I think you need to talk to your mom about that." Judy said, and both of them knew that there was no chance anyone could get between this feud Lorna and Jen seemed to have, and get out of it arrive. "But for what it's worth, would you like to be my best man? Your mom plans on asking Henry to be hers. I mean I'm sure she would love to have both of you but-"

"I would like that." Charlie said, sharing meaningful look with Judy, that didn't seem to be that uncommon between the two nowadays. Ever since that chat in the car, Charlie had really seemed to take Judy into the family in a whole other way. Charlie turned to leave and before he was out of the room, Judy called out after him.

"Wait." Charlie turned back to her, waiting for Judy to say whatever she needed to get out so badly. "Charlie, please... don't tell your mom about the whole..."

"I won't." Charlie looked at her apologetically, making Judy feel like crying her eyes out. This situation somehow managed to be the best and the worst thing that had happened to her. Mostly the worst.

\---

Their first day home didn't seem too different from usual. Jen was paying slightly more attention to Judy which almost felt like too much to the brunette, since they were already touching in some way most of the time. But once she leaned into it, and ignored the thoughts crowding the back of her head yelling that Jen was only doing this for the sake of the act, she kind of started to feel comfortable and content. 

The whole family was watching a movie that night, and Jen's arm was wrapped tightly over Judy's shoulder's, whilst her other hand was holding Judy's, and it wasn't too out of the usual, but it did have a different kind of tenderness to it, a tenderness Jen wouldn't usually showcase. Something that would only come out in the early hours of the morning or late at night, when she held Judy in bed, without the brunette having to even ask for it, or she woke Judy up with a few gentle kisses placed on the side of her face, if it was a morning great enough that they could let it slide as an expression of all that joy and not something else that might affect the nature of their relationship.

Judy wasn't fully concentrating on the movie, since Jen's fingers were now lightly tapping her shoulder, and thumb rubbing Judy's palm kept distracting her. She was hoping Jen wouldn't catch the stiffness and the nervous blush climbing up her neck. Charlie however, looked at her every once in a while with an unreadable look, that just made Judy want to smile  assuringly so that the boy would know this was all absolutely fine, even though it really wasn't. At all.

After the boys had gone to bed, Jen immediately untangled herself from Judy.

"Not too bad huh?" Judy wasn't sure whether Jen was  referring to her masterclass acting or the situation over all but she just nodded in response.

"We should go to bed." Judy suggested, knowing that even if they didn't have work tomorrow (because Judy was staying home with Jen, in case she needed help with something) it was good to hold onto the routine.

"Yeah. Probably." Jen said but didn't make any attempts to move from her place on the couch. "Good thing we already sleep together. Not much has to change really. We are already practically married. Without all the additional benefits of marriage, which speaking of..." Judy sat still in silence, having nervously  awaited for them to go over the rules of this arrangement. " You think we should like, hold hands in public? Or is that too  cliché ?"

"I mean you're the marriage expert here." Judy smiled awkwardly.

"Yeah but I'd really like my wife's input on how she wants to be  touched, you know." Jen's voice was teasing, and hearing the blonde call Judy her wife was really making her feel too much especially considering how much worse (or better?) it was going to get in the coming months. 

"Well, I guess hand holding would be nice then." Judy said after giving it a moment of thought. "If I was married I mean... which we are ... soon."

"Alright then, that's a must." Jen nodded in agreement. Judy waited for her to eventually get to kissing, which unlike hand holding, was something they didn't do, because despite being abnormally close friends (mainly due to Judy's constant touching) there were still some boundaries left between the two of them.

"So I was thinking like a kiss before work or some shit. Maybe when we see each other?" Jen kept clearing her throat, clearly just as uncomfortable with the subject, but probably not because of the same reason. "For Lorna and the boys. Gotta keep up some physical contact.”

"Right. For Lorna and the boys." Judy nodded, staring blankly at the tv, that wasn't even on anymore.

"Just touch me like you usually would okay? Just  even  more. Don’t hold back. And I'll try to return t he favor." Jen said, looking for a confir mation from Judy, which she got, in the form of a quiet okay.

"What about relationship history? When did we start dating?" Judy inquired, knowing that Lorna might bring it up to catch them in a lie, which now that they had went this far, would  make them seen insane. Which they were, but so was Lorna, so she had no reason to judge.

"I don't know. You have any suggestions?"

"Love at first sight?" Judy suggested with a chuckle, to mask the emotion she was carrying, because it really had been love at first sight. Love amongst other things.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's pretty  believable.. We met at the grief group, went on some dates, fell in love and you just moved in." Jen went through their story. " That's literally how it happened in real life. I was pretty much a goner from the first time we met." Judy's heart stopped for a moment, but once she saw Jen's lips curve into a smile, she let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Jen was joking. "You alright? You seem kind of off?"

"I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed, that's all."

"I'm really sorry this whole thing even happened. I shouldn’t have dragged you into our feud.”

"Stop apologizing." Judy reached for Jen's hand. "Who are you? Me?" The brunette teased her, earning a  proper  laugh from the older woman.

"I really fucking love you, you know." Jen looked at Judy lovingly, and perhaps it was the painkillers talking, but Judy basked in the warmth of her love.

"I love you too." She said instantly, matching the warmth in her gaze.

"This is some ride or die shit right here."  Jen gestured between the two women.

"This is the ride or die shit? Not the body i helped you bury?" Judy giggled, probably for the first time whilst taking about the events that had went dow n with Ted and Steve , not feeling as haunted by then anymore. The guilt hit instantly, but it wasn't banging loudly against her eardrums, just reminding her she wasn't  quite so  clean yet. There was work to be done with that.

"Eh, that was nothing." Jen waved it off, making Judy laugh wholeheartedly again. "This is the real test right here." 

"Marriage is worse than manslaughter?" 

"It certainly felt like that with Ted." Jen looked at their hands, and Judy knew the blonde had meant to deliver the line more as a joke than such a serious statement. She squeezed Jen's hand  tenderly  and their eyes met. 

"I'm sure we'll manage to make marriage a hell too." Judy joked , making Jen smile again.

"I mean things could definitely escalate knowing us." And for a moment Judy thought Jen meant in terms of their relationship, and the fun, light atmosphere was disappearing in an instant, before Jen continued on. "Who's  gonna die next? I'm betting on Lorna." Judy laughed at this, realizing she was overthinking everything to a point where this whole situation was just way harder than it had to be. She had to be as nonchalant about this as possible. The only way she could get through the next few months was by acting like she wasn’t head over heels in love with Jen. Which would definitely be a challenge.

\---

The two women headed upstairs and everything was normal. Sure, Jen was struggling slightly more than usual, but their domestic intimacy remained unchanged. In their bedroom they wouldn’t have to act like they were a couple, yet that’s ironically the place where they shared their most romantic moments.

Jen just laid down on the bed as soon as she could, and Judy went to the bathroom to change and wash up, but not before making sure Jen was alright. Which the blonde assured she was.

When Judy got back, Jen was laying on the bed, defeated, with her shirt halfway over her head. Judy couldn’t help but burst into giggles, making Jen shift a little.

“Stop mocking me and help me out.” Jen snapped at her, trying to  balance herself into a sitting position.

“I’m not mocking you, just having a laugh at your expense.”

“Well don’t. Can’t you see I’m struggling here? Just be a good wife and help me get out of these clothes.”

“ Oh I didn’t know these benefits were included.” Judy teased her, feeling significantly more comfortable with the rising blush when Jen wasn’t there to see it.

“There’s  gonna be no benefits if you don’t stop laughing and come over here right now.”

Judy, walked over to Jen, and stood right in front of her. The blonde was still laying on her back, looking like an idiot to say the least, but Judy had to admit, her being practically shirtless and all, she was a pretty damn hot idiot, with the bandages and all.

“Stop staring and get to work.” Jen said after a little too long of a silence, and Judy snapped out of her daydream immediately, and instantly her hands were carefully pulling Jen’s shirt off. 

“Be fucking careful! My arm hurts like hell.” Jen whined.

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m trying, just stay still.” Judy finally got the shirt off, and once Jen’s head popped out of it, she just laid back on the bed on her back, now fully shirtless, making Judy turn around immediately, to avoid any staring. 

“I look like shit huh?”

“No! No! No  no no.” Judy repeated, like she might just say “no” until Jen actually gathered herself some self-esteem. Judy turned around for a moment, not really knowing what she was thinking, before realizing again that Jen was fucking shirtless and she should just not look in her general reaction. “I’m just trying to be polite.” Judy made her way to Jen’s closet to get her something to wear.

“We are married.”

“We are.” Judy glanced at Jen with a sweet smile, managing to keep her eyes strictly on her face.

“These bruises do look pretty nasty though.” Jen was looking at her stomach and her arms.

“They’ll heal.”

“There will be scars.” Jen noted.

“And you’ll look beautiful with your scars. Now come on, put this on.” Judy threw her a shirt and a pair of pants to sleep in, before walking back to the bed again, rolling onto her side.

Jen wasn’t putting her shirt on, just sitting at the end of the bed.

“You alright?”

“The scars are going to look fucking rank.” Jen said, still looking at her body, her back to Judy.

“ No they aren’t.” 

“Yes they are.”

Judy got up to a sitting position as well, and scooted to the end of the bed.

“I think you look beautiful.” Judy let her gaze fall onto Jen’s  bruised and bandaged stomach. “And the scars are a part of you, and they look beautiful too.”

Jen looked up at her, and Judy knew she was thinking about fucking asshole Ted and the mastectomy, and Judy was angry. She didn’t get properly angry often, but she was angry at Ted, for making Jen feel anything less than. For giving Jen these emotional scars, as if the physical ones weren’t enough.

“Thank you.” Jen said, not quite tearing up, but Judy knew she would start crying if they kept the conversation going for any longer.

“Of course. I’m your wife. It’s my job to compliment you all the fucking time.” Judy smirked for a bit, trying to get a smile out of Jen, which she managed to achieve. “And it’s definitely my  favourite job in the world.”

“Are you sure? Because you love those old people a lot.” Jen teased her.

“I love you more.” Judy just said tenderly with a smile. “Now you better put on your pajamas and get in bed Harding!” She said, not wanting the soft sentence to linger for too long.

“Or what?”

“ Oh you don’t want to know!” Judy quickly got under the covers, and got her phone out, acting like she had something important to do, whilst giving Jen privacy to get changed. In no time, they were both in bed, ready to sleep  


“I’m so fucking tired.” Jen groaned.

“So sleep, that’s why we are in bed.”

“I’m trying, okay.” Jen just said, and Judy knew just the remedy for some sleepless nights. She scooted closer to Jen and carefully wrapped an arm around her, letting the other woman turn away from her before tightening her grip just a little bit.

“Let me know if it hurts.” Judy whispered, but since she heard no response, she assumed that Jen was doing just fine. The two of them quickly drifted to sleep. If marriage was anything like this? It sounded like bliss.


	3. Share your dreams with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres for my guys 🙏🏻 Next one will be out friday :-)

Judy woke up the next morning in Jen's arms. It definitely wasn't uncommon for them, but somehow this marriage thing had made Judy hyper aware of every touch between the two women, and she couldn't help but concentrate on Jen's hand on her waist and the quiet breathing hitting her neck. Judy laid there for a beat, just taking it all in, before carefully untangling herself from Jen, to go downstairs to make them some breakfast.

It was quite early, but Charlie was already up, drinking a coffee by the tv, though his phone was getting most of his attention. He glanced at Judy when she passed him, but quickly went back to whatever was so interesting on his phone.

After breakfast was ready, Judy asked Charlie to go wake up Henry, whilst in turn Judy would try to drag Jen downstairs.

\---

Jen wasn't a particularly deep sleeper, but she hadn't seemed to have woken up to the banging of the pots and bangs downstairs. Judy crawled back into bed with her, with every intention of going back downstairs in just a second. Jen's arm instinctively wrapped around her and pulled her closer. Judy was pretty sure the blonde was awake by now, catching a small smile lingering on Jen's face. Judy pressed a kiss on Jen's cheek, which for some reason was completely normal and not at all out of ordinary for two friends. Jen's smile grew clearly visible.

"Hey sleepyhead." Judy murmured into her ear. The brunette hated how much she found herself leaning into the whole marriage arrangement in her head.

"Morning wifey." Then again, Jen seemed to be playing along just fine. The blonde opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light.

"You wanna come downstairs for some breakfast?" Judy booped the blonde's nose.

"Mmhhmm...I could definitely use a cup of coffee."

"I'm sure that can be arranged."

And suddenly a voice came from the doorway, surprising both women

"Are you-" Charlie's eyes widened when he formed eye contact with Judy, who was looking at him like a deer in the headlights. "Ew! What the fuck? Close the fucking door!" Charlie closed it with a loud bang, and Judy could hear him quickly descend the stairs.

Judy turned to Jen to see the other woman just as much in shock, before the blonde started laughing uncontrollably. Judy joined her soon enough. She was almost certain that Charlie wasn't under the assumption that anything was really going on, but nevertheless, that was his reaction to almost all displays of affection in this household.

"We sure make a convincing happy couple." Jen said, meeting Judy's eyes with a teasing smile. Judy's heart fluttered at the comment, and she started to get up, not wanting Jen to notice how flustered she was over the whole situation.

"You coming with me?"

"Give me a second and I'll be down."

Soon after breakfast, Judy took the boys to school, reluctantly leaving Jen on her own. She did some shopping for the week on her way back and in the car she couldn't help but wonder about the sweet domesticity of it all, going grocery stopping whilst her future wife waits at home probably drinking a glass of wine. Judy felt giddy. She wanted to remind herself of the heartbreak she would feel if she let this affect her too much, but she felt too happy to let herself rationalize this.

\---

Once she got home, as expected, Jen was cosied up in front of the tv enjoying a glass of wine.

"Go get yourself a glass. Let's watch some Facts of life." Jen gestured Judy to join her own the couch.

In no time the two of them were sat on the couch, going through Jen's collection of wines. After a few episodes, they quickly got lost in the conversation.

" You think we should maybe start planning the wedding? " Judy asked as she brought them a second bottle of wine from the kitchen.

"It's not a real wedding, Judy."

"I know that. I mean it is technically a real wedding we are actually getting married." Judy pointed out. "Just not real in terms of.. feelings and all that jazz." Judy's lips quivered a bit but Jen was too concentrated on pouring herself another glass. "But it is a wedding and since the boys are coming and you could invite Christopher and I could invite-"

"Some boring old people?"

"Some very sweet elderly people I know." Judy corrected. "Shouldn't we make an effort for them?" Judy gave Jen a little pout, and knew instantly she had gotten through to her.

"Fine." Jen agreed, and Judy was clearly as happy as she could be. "But nothing expensive okay? This is still a fake wedding, we've just gotten financially stable again, we aren't breaking the bank for a stupid prank."

"Oh so you see finally that this is stupid now?"

"It's fucking idiotic!" Jen exclaimed. "And we'll go through with it all the way."

"Naturally." Judy nodded, not expecting anything less after their previous hijinks.

"I could make some cute decorations for the wedding and- Oh! We could make the food ourselves as a family. Wouldn't that be the best? What are you going to wear?"

"God...I do not need the fucking insufferable stress of wedding planning right now." Jen groaned. "I guess I can try on my old wedding dress to see if it still fits."

"Is that what you want to wear?"

"What are you saying?"

"Just that... you just don't talk very fondly of your wedding day and I want this to be an experience you enjoy. You can wear anything you want."

"Maybe second time's the charm, huh? Might as well stay married since we are going through alm this effort." Jen joked, and the mere few seconds before the blonde burst into laughter, Judy was staring at her in flustered shock.

"Yeah." Judy let out a very fake chuckle.

“Let’s think about this later. I’m tired.” Jen groaned, and the women continued watching Facts of life.

After a few more episodes, Jen went upstairs to work for a little bit, having insisted on it enough that Judy had given up on trying to get her to just take a nap or something of the sort. Judy started to make them some lunch, thinking she would be picking up the boys from school soon and they would probably be starving.

Which they definitely were, and as soon as they got home Judy headed into the kitchen to check that the food hadn't gone too cold, and told Charlie to go get Jen from upstairs whilst she made them a quick side salad.

The doorbells ring interrupted her, so she had to stop the salad-making process to get the door. To her surprise, Karen was enthusiastically waiting behind the door, ready to start knocking after ringing the doorbell a few times to no success.

"Hi... Karen." Judy couldn't hide her surprise. "Are you alright? Is there anything I can do?"

"I just heard you and Jen are getting married." Karen waited for a confirmation.

"We are yes. Where did you hear that? We haven't-"

"Henry just told me over the fence."

"Ahh I see." Judy thought about the boy telling everyone at the school, Jen would not love that. "If you could just keep it under the wraps, it's just a small private ceremony and I-"

"Oh of course! I'm not here begging for an invite. I just wanted to come congratulate you, both of you." Karen gave Judy a bright smile. "I'm glad Jen has been able to move on after Ted. Is this your second marriage as well?"

"No no. Me and Steve we never... This is my first."

"Well then what a first! You must be excited?"

"Of course!" Judy exclaimed, and she really was. The marriage might be fake but it was still her first wedding, and she was sharing it with someone she loved and that meant something to her. "I can't wait."

"Do you have a dream wedding in mind? A childhood fantasy of some sort?"

"I.." Judy considered for a moment. "I think I'd want my wedding to have some personality, you know? Something that just looks like me and Jen." Jen thought about the blonde with a smile. "But more than anything I want to everyone to just be happy and content for a day. I want that atmosphere of love. I want to dance. I want to laugh." Judy felt that she was getting too into this fantasy of hers.. " But the wedding doesn’t really matter, its the sentiment that counts."

"Of course it matters!" Karen exclaimed. "You deserve the wedding day of your dreams. I hope it'll be all of those things. I mean I’m sure it will! Jen clearly loves you.”

Judy wasn't quite sure it would, since the person she was marrying was in it for shock value, but she gave Karen a polite nod.

"I hope you won't face the fate that was awaiting for me and Jeff." Karen said, laughing trough the pain. "But then again I doubt that. You two are really in love, I don't think I ever quite had that with Jeff."

"I'm sorry about Jeff."

"It's fine. I mean... I'm coping, you know." Karen just waved it off but she seemed affected.

"I know. And you' re definitely welcome to our wedding, Karen." Judy had to probably talk Jen into letting Karen in.

"Really?"

"Of course!"

"That's so sweet. A wedding will definitely lift my spirits." Karen's smile returned brighter.

"Glad to hear that. I really need to get back to-"

"I won't keep you any longer! Congratulations again!" Karen already turned to go.

Judy thanked Karen before closing the door.

"You invited Karen?" Judy jumped at the voice before turning around to see Jen standing by the stairs.

"God! You scared me! How long were you standing there?" Judy held her hand to her heart.

"A little while."

"Karen misses her husband." Judy answered to Jen's auestion

"Her husband is gay, not fucking dead." Jen whined.

"It's still a big change for her.”

"Whatever." Jen rolled her eyes, letting Judy have her way once again.

"Did you get any work done?" Judy took a few steps closer to Jen.

"Wine headache hit me so I just took a nap instead." Jen said, avoiding Judy's eyes in defeat.

"That's a good girl." Judy gave Jen's cheek a quick kiss and passed her on her way to the kitchen. Staying long enough to see Jen's reaction and let the other woman see hers, was not an option.

The rest of the day went fairly peacefully, Charlie went to stay with some friends of his, and Henry was mainly occupied with taking care of his mom, which was adorable. He would ask if there was anything she needed, and she would ask for a cup of water or a kiss just to give him something to do.

The whole lot got to go to bed early for once, since Henry was often tired by 8pm anyways, and asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. So Judy and Jen also went upstairs already around 9pm, with significantly less clothing struggles this time, as Jen was now wearing a significantly loser shirt.

"You know what?" Jen yelled out from their bed into the bathroom, where Judy was brushing her teeth.

"Mmmhhmm?" Judy's head popped up in the doorway.

"I think we should just go all in with the wedding."

Judy quickly spit the toothpaste.

"What? Really? I thought it was just a fake wedding and it makes no difference."

"But it's not really fake is it? I mean we are really getting married, like you said. And..." Jen took an unnecessarily long pause, so Judy knew to expect something sappy. "If it's important to you..... it's important to me, because I... care about you and you're important to me... God I sound like I'm going through my vows right now I'll put a little bit more effort into those, I promise."

Judy laughed breathily for a moment, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"So you're saying I wear pants in this marriage?" Judy teased her. “I make the big decisions?”

"Fuck you." Jen spat out but burst out laughing immediately after. "Come on just come to bed Judes. Share your dreams with me? Pretty please."

Judy's eyes softened even more, if that was even possible, and she made her way to the bed. She hopped onto her side of the bed, and wrapped her arms around Jen, who was sitting right beside her. A few tears might have escaped, but they were purely happy and content ones. Once they pulled apart, Jen laid back comfortably and gestured for Judy to start the presentation to sell this dream wedding of hers to the blonde, who seemed to be ready to get married on the moon if Judy so wanted.


	4. Us, when we are alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✌🏻

After a week of this new pre-wedding life, Judy was surprised to say that nothing too bad had come out of their lie, and for a practical joke of this caliber, it hadn't exploded on their faces just yet. That was until Lorna called.

Jen was having herself a relaxing bath, so when her phone rang, she yelled out from the bathroom for Judy to answer it. Which the brunette did, without really checking who the caller was. It turned out to be the explosion Judy was waiting for.

"Hi." Judy answered chipperly, expecting to be able to just tell whoever was on the other side to call back later, but that was definitely not the case.

"Oh. You." Lorna's annoyed voice rang through the phone, making Judy nervous instantly. "I was trying to reach Jennifer, but I guess with the news it makes sense for you to answer."

"Jen's taking a bath."

"Doesn't matter what she's doing. I just wanted to ask you if you were free on tuesday, for the wedding cake testing."

"The what?" Judy had not heard anything about any cakes before this, and surely Lorna hadn't done wedding planning for their wedding without them.

"I picked you a good bakery." She had. "Well it's the best I could do, in such a short time."

"Oh. I have to ask Jen."

"Then ask her. I don't have all day."

Judy lingered on her place before knocking lightly on the bathroom door.

"Lorna wants to know if we can go taste some wedding cakes next tuesday?" Judy called out into the bathroom. "That good for you, babe?" Judy cringed at the pet-name but surely Jen would understand.

"Of course sweetpea! Our wedding is my priority!" So Jen was definitely not salty that her peaceful bath time was interrupted.

"She said yes."

"I heard." Lorna groaned. "Tuesday at 2pm, I'll text one of you the details. Don't be late, or high."

"Of course not! I look forward to it." And Lorna hung up. No goodbyes, which Judy found very rude, but that was how Lorna was really.

Judy just sat down on the bed to wait for Jen to come out. Going to a cake tasting with Lorna meant they had to put their best couple act on because not only Lorna but also the employees at the bakery had to believe they were Very Much in love.

Jen emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed, a few minutes later, clearly stressed, not able to get back to her calming bath after Lorna's invite. Judy got up instinctively, and placed her hands on Jen's waist to ground her a bit.

"You okay?"

"I really don't want to see fucking Lorna right now."

"I know." Judy nodded, understanding perfectly. "But we need to keep up the act right? And we could definitely use some help. Getting the cake of our to-do-list would be huge."

"Yeah. But I'm warning you, I'll be complaining about this for days."

"That's fair."

\---

When tuesday finally rolled around, Judy was more nervous than Jen. They had already gone over the rules of this arrangement several times, yet Judy didn't feel like it would be appropriate of her to be too touchy with Jen when in company of other people. She was nervous she would go too far and Jen perhaps might realize the depth of Judy's feelings towards her, which would truly be the worst case scenario. She definitely didn't want to be the one to make the first move. Or cross any boundaries.

"What kind of a couple do you think we are?" Judy asked in the car, not able to think about anything but the show they were about to put on.

"What?" Jen turned to her from the window.

"What kind of couple are we? What's our dynamic? Should we maybe keep to ourselves? Would that be more in character for us?"

"Fuck character. We are doing this whole thing to annoy Lorna so you better not leave my side." Jen did make a good point. " Let's just be us. You know like us.. when we are alone." Judy knew exactly what the other woman meant, and the insinuation that to look like a couple, all they needed to do was mimic the behavior they displayed when they were alone together, was making her head ache. There was so much to read between the lines in this whole conversation, and Judy was fairly certain that Jen didn't mean anything with the vague hints that Judy was catching onto, but she still couldn't help but feel butterflies.

"Okay so-"

"With some added kissing probably. That's not really in our current repertoire.” Jen chuckled awkwardly, not looking at Judy, who was currently working a very nervous blush.

"Mhhmm."

"Maybe I should like feel you up over the clothes, hows that sound?" Jen joked. "Trying to come up with whatever would annoy Lorna the most." She added, when Judy was quiet.

Judy let out a laugh that went on a bit too long to be genuine and not just covering up the need to scream that was building inside the brunette.

This would not end well.

\---

When Jen and Judy arrived at the location, Lorna was already waiting for them (obviously), and it wasn't even 2pm yet. Lorna looked almost disappointed that she couldn't mock their timing since for once Judy had hurried them to leave early, feeling a need to be on Lorna's good side, as if her blessing was what she was looking for when she got fake engaged to her daughter in law.

"Hi!" Judy got out of the car and greeted Lorna before rushing to open the car door for Jen, who was managing just fine.

"You don't need to open the fucking door for me Judy, I'm not a cripple." Came out Jen's annoyed response to Judy's gesture.

"Oh I'm not... I didn't mean it like that. It was meant to be more of a sweet gesture unrelated to your.." Judy gestured her entire person vaguely. ".. situation."

Jen smiled at her endearingly, and Judy could see she was making Lorna already regret doing this.

"Stop flirting and get inside." Lorna yelled out from the door.

Judy hadn't even meant this for Lorna's sake, and they both knew it. There was a sense of awkwardness surrounding them, so they swiftly moved inside, hoping to leave it behind.

The bakery was a surprisingly cute and homey, considering Lorna's taste for expensive things, and Judy didn't mind the idea of getting their wedding cake from this little place.

"We have a wedding cake tasting at 2pm."

"Hi." Judy waved from behind Lorna, feeling bad for Lorna's lack of respect for these people. She gave them an apologetic look.

"What name?"

"Harding. You are keeping Harding right?" Lorna turned her head back to Jen.

"I... we haven't really discussed it." Jen looked over at Judy, who was admiring the cakes in the window.

"I think I'd like to be a Harding." Judy looked over her shoulder at Jen, who seemed to have had too much of this already. And Judy had to admit that the idea of changing her last name was bringing another layer of reality into this very fake wedding.

"Good." Lorna just nodded, taking that as an official agreement.

Judy could see Jen still looking at her from the corner of her eye.

When a woman came to take them into a private part of the bakery for a cake tasting, Judy scooted right next to Jen and slid her hand in hers, startling the other woman. The two walked hand in hand and even when they sat down, Judy's hand was holding Jen's, and she made sure to throw loving looks her way, which took a lot less effort than Judy would like to admit. She was pretty much just letting herself stare and admire Jen for once in her life, because now it was also required of her.

A few different cakes were brought in, all of then beautiful, and probably very tasty. The woman let the couple cut the cake, and naturally Jen gave the task to Judy, who seemed very eager to cut into these cakes. Lorna was constantly rolling her eyes at their shared looks and sweet smiles, so it seemed to be working as they had hoped.

"This is the cake you've decided on?" The woman, Deborah, offered then a piece of the blueberry white chocolate filled cake, which looked like a very classic wedding cake apart from the colourful marzipan flowers decorating it, which Judy had requested.

"Yes. Babe?" Jen covered Judy's hand on the table with her own, and Judy turned to Jen nodding whilst licking her spoon.

"Yeah. God it's so fucking good." Judy could've probably eaten the whole cake.

"We're glad you like it." The woman gave Judy a polite smile. " Now... do you want cake toppers? If so, do you have any special wishes on what you want to wear for example?"

"I..." Judy looked at Jen, panicking a bit. They hadn't decided on what to wear yet.

"We haven't really talked about that yet. But how about we let you know by the end of the week?"

Lorna was muttering something about how they didn’t seem to have talked about the practicality of the wedding at all, which was fair but they also just got engaged a week ago.

"We are already on a pretty tight schedule here.. but alright."

"Thank you so much." Judy was felt bad for causing these people any trouble.

"Our kids will be in need of a ride home in 15 minutes so I think we should get going." Jen started getting up.

"Thank you again!" Judy exclaimed apologetically before saying the woman a quick goodbye.

Outside Lorna offered Jen a ride home, since there was no reason for her to go to the school too, and she was starting to miss the painkillers. Jen agreed reluctantly.

Just as Judy was about to say bye to Jen, who was already getting in the car, she quickly made her way to her and whilst Jen was standing there confused with the car door open, she took the woman's face into her hands and kissed her. It was a quick peck but it took everyone by surprise. Judy tried to act as natural as she good but she felt really fucking nervous when she pulled away.

"See you at home babe." Judy gave Jen a shy smile.

"See you." Jen just said, her face unreadable apart from the slight shock.

Judy turned around, got in her car, and drove to the school. On her way she couldn't help but feel the butterflies erupting again. If this was real life instead of a lie, she would most certainly be happy. Not that she wasn't already now, just being a part of Jen and the boys' lives, but she couldn't help but pine desperately after Jen at every turn. She almost felt guilty about it. Being in Jen's space like this, Jen trusting her so much, whilst she had these feelings. But she was not going to act on act on those feelings, so her helping Jen? Selfless. Just wanting to help a friend.

\---

Later that night in bed Jen finally brought up the days events, though she didn’t mention the kiss.

“Today wasn’t too bad huh? I mean you really went to town on those cakes.”

“They were really good cakes!” Judy defended herself, making Jen laugh softly. God the sound if her laughter was music to Judy’s ears. “But yeah, I had a nice time today, apart from some nasty looks Lorna shot my way. But that is to be expected since I’m marrying you.”

“Yeah well she has no right to treat you like shit. You’re a part of the family.”

“I’m marrying you as a prank Jen, I think-“ Judy started, but Jen hurried to stop her, covering the brunettes hand with hers.

“I didn’t mean it like that. You’re a part of this family now and you’ll always be.”

Judy just smiled at Jen tearily, squeezing Jen’s hand

“God don’t start sobbing on me now.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just really happy.”

“I know.” Jen was looking at her with such depth of feeling that Judy had to look away, down at their hands, which was also screaming out such tender calls that Judy was finding it hard to resist just kissing Jen. Now would be a good chance. But she couldn’t. “You’re pretty fucking good wife you know.” Judy sniffled a bit and looked up, her cheeks hurting from smiling. “Steve really missed out.”

“You think so?” Judy asked quietly, tears still streaming down her face.

“Hell yes. If I was him I would have married you on the spot.”

“I mean compared to him you did make that move pretty quickly…” Judy teased her a bit, and Jen took it like a champ, no eyerolls.

“Yeah, well those hospital gowns look really flattering on you.” Jen joked, making Judy giggle. “For real, you were a snack.”

“Not anymore?” Judy did a fake pout. “If this is your way of telling me you want to do some nurse roleplay,,” Jen’s eyes widened comically at that. “we can talk about it this weekend when the boys go to Lornas.”

“Oh fuck you. I would look hot in a nurses outfit.” Judy knew she would but Judy also didn’t want to think about Jen dressed as a sexy nurse right now, so she was just silently cursing herself for even bringing it up.”

“You’d look hot in anything.” Judy said, feeling the mood was light enough thar her comment would fly for now.

“Glad we agree.” Jen nodded seriously before bursting into laughter. Judy joined her, not fully even knowing why she was laughing. Jen took a deep breath to keep herself from bursting into another fit of laughter and just looked at Judy, who was looking at their hands, still chuckling for a bit. “I love you more and more every day, you know? You’re like the most important person in my life.”

“Practicing your vows?” Judy teased her, uncharacteristically uncomfortable with this vulnerability, so she was leaning onto some humorous comments instead. Jen was really a bad influence on her.

“No that’s just for you. I’ll make up some bullshit for my vows.” Judy glanced at Jen, and the blonde corrected herself immediately. “I meant… I’ll write something beautiful from the heart.” Jen rolled her eyes.

“Good. I better see some tears.”

“You’re asking so much of me. I feel like we should break up.”

“Tell that to Lorna.”

“Never mind.” Jen didn’t even consider that. It wasn’t an option. “. I’ll watch Marley & me the night before and really zone out to think about it during my vows.”

“Oh so now I know that when you’re talking about love that never ends and how much you want a companion to walk this lonely path with you, it’s just the dog from that movie?”

“Exactly. But I can give you a shoutout towards the end of my vows.”

“Oh fuck off.” Judy hit Jen with a pillow. The two women laughed again before letting a comfortable silence fall. They just sat like that, holding hands, leaning back against the headboard of the bed, until Jen yawned loudly enough for Judy to have an excuse to tell her to sleep. So they untangled their hands and tried their luck at sleeping. Before drifting to sleep, Judy brought her hand to her heart and quietly longed for Jen’s hand in hers. She dreamed of Jen.


	5. It's Judy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting a bit of Jen pov too in this one.
> 
> they be pining idiots
> 
> Also!!! Judy n Michelle didnt date in this one!! bcs judy needs fucking friends 🥺

A week more of this nurse patient role play, Jen was finally able to return to work, which also meant Judy was no longer needed at home, her vacation was over as well. Though with the wedding stress it had not felt like a vacation at all, just being at home with Jen was still nice.

Once Judy got back to work, everyone was glad to see she was okay, having heard about the accident. Judy didn't care to mention the marriage, assuming that the less people knew the less drama there was surrounding this.

She ran into Michelle in the hallway during her break, and she seemed to also be very worried and aware of Judy's state.

"God, I heard about your accident, are you guys alright?" Michelle reached out to touch Judy's arm comfortingly.

"Yeah, we are fine. And the boys weren't in the car, thank god." Judy smiled, tiredness apparent in her face. This whole wedding thing was kind of a lot to the brunette. "You wanna join me for lunch by any chance?" 

"I would love to." Michelle nodded, pleased.

Soon the two of them were eating tacos in Judy's car in a parking lot, laughing brightly. After some casual conversation, the two quieted down for a bit.

"I don't mean to pry, but are you okay?" Michelle asked, firmly looking at Judy's eyes, which the brunette was not used to with Jen. "I don't mean the accident, you just seem kind of off..? I don't know, honestly. Maybe I'm reading into this too much-"

"No, I..." Judy started, but didn't really know whether she wanted to continue on. Then again, there was nothing she wanted to do more than talk to someone about her situation. "Jen and I are getting married."

"Oh! Wow! That's pretty huge." Michelle seemed to not have expected quite that, and Judy couldn't blame her.

"But it's just to spite her mother in law." Judy added, her heart breaking a bit to say it out loud. 

"Oh. Okay. I'm not following."

"There was a misunderstanding, and we told her that we are engaged and getting married in a few weeks. And now we are just keeping up the act because she's really fucking infuriating, and she'll be worse if she knew we lied." 

"Okay... that still makes no sense." Michelle seemed to not get the point, and neither did Judy anymore to be honest. 

"And I think I'm in love with Jen." Judy just said, as quickly as she could, as if her body would betray her mid sentence.

"Makes a bit more sense." Michelle just nodded knowingly. "I'm guessing this was her idea?"

"She really hates Lorna."

"How does she feel about you?" Michelle inquired.

"We are friends. Best friends." Judy was starting to feel more comfortable sharing this girl talk with Michelle.

"Mmm. That fucking sucks. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm just glad I got to talk to someone about this." Judy gave her a sad smile.

"It's not okay, though. You're clearly in pain. You have the right to say no you know? I doubt Jen would hate you for it."

"I know." Judy looked at her lap, thinking about the time she promised Jeb she would start saying no more. "I'm just not very good at it."

"Yeah, no shit. I kind if think it's wrong of Jen to ask so much of you when she probably knows that. Kind of fucked up."

"No. She just wasn't thinking when it all came out. And I was pretty eager to help her with this lie so it's just as much my fault."

"Yet you're going through something you don't want to be a part of just to make her happy, whilst suffering a whole fucking lot on the side." 

Judy didn't say anything to that. It was technically true, but Judy felt that only she could be responsible for her own suffering right now.

"I'm just saying she should've discussed it with you first maybe."

"It all happened pretty quickly." Judy noted.

"More the reason for her to ask you if this is all fine. It's a lot even if you weren't in love with her."

"Maybe." Judy gave Michelle a tight smile. The two sat in silence for a moment before Judy opened her mouth again. "You still want to come to the wedding?"

"Of course." Michelle nodded.

Judy smiled at her, feeling a bit lighter now that she had gotten everything off her heart, and Michelle was coming to the wedding.

"I do think you should just tell her." Michelle said, leaving it vague enough that Judy didn't know whether the woman meant the fact that she didn't want to go through with this, or the feelings she was having.

"I know."

\---

Jen was going to work for the first time since the accident. She was definitely not too keen to get interrogated by Lorna, so she retreated into the break room to catch her breath before having to go past Lorna's office. As soon as Jen walked into the break room she was faced with a Christopher, who based on the shocked expression on his face, already knew about the wedding.

"So Lorna just told me you and Judy are getting married?" Christopher said nonchalantly, clearly about to practically burst.

"We are." Jen nodded, getting herself a cup of coffee.

"What the fuck Jen? Did you think to maybe tell me?"

"It's not a real fucking wedding Christopher. I'm doing it to annoy Lorna, me and Judy will divorce in a few months on friendly terms."

"I don't know if you understand how insane you sound right now." Christopher didn't seem any calmer.

"I do. I'm kind of starting to regret doing this but I can't let Lorna win." 

"And Judy's just fine with this?" Christopher squinted his eyes, looking fir something, a hole in this story.

"Yeah. I mean Lorna is universally hated." Jen just shrugged, sitting down with her coffee.

"Mmm." He didn't seem too impressed.

"What?"

"I don't know." Christopher just said, thinking intently before sitting down next to Jen. "Do you think this could be maybe more about Judy and less about Lorna."

"What are you saying?" 

"That maybe this happened, not because you want to get back at Lorna, but because somewhere underneath that hard shell of yours, you want to get all tender and domestic with Judy." Christopher suggested carefully, not wanting to feel the wrath of Jen.

"Bullshit." Jen tried to act unaffected by the comment, but she couldn't help but feel the need to defend herself. She was pretty certain she was sweating through her shirt now and she hated that she knew why it was.

"I don't think so. I don't get why else you would be this eager to marry Judy just to spite Lorna. I don't doubt that it's subconsciously, but deep down I think you perhaps like the idea."

"That's ridiculous don't you think?" Jen just waved the comment off with a chuckle. "It's Judy!" 

"Yeah exactly." Christopher nodded. "It's Judy." He repeated for emphasis.

\---

"Are we going to have like bachelorettes parties?" Judy asked, laying on the bed and looking through their wedding plans whilst Jen was in the bathroom getting ready for bed.

"Of course." Jen just agreed automatically. She really didn't care that much but if it was something Judy wanted, the brunette would definitely get it.

"Who are you inviting?"

"I guess Christopher and..." The only other person that came to mind was Lorna. "Yeah I don't really have friends I like to spend time with it turns out. You're kind of my best friend."

"No shit. Our circle is very small." Judy laughed lightly at their situation. They really would have most likely been each others bridesmaids if this hadn't happened. "I guess I could go with Michelle. She's the friend I met at work.

"Michelle, huh? I'm pretty sure you've mentioned her before." Like a 100 times. "What does she do again?" Jen meant the question to sound less jealous and disapproving and more interested, but she really couldn't help the tone of her voice.

"She doesn't work with me, she just comes to see her mother often." Judy noted. The lightness of her voice wasn't gone, so Jen doubted her annoyance was noticed. "She's a cook." The pride was too evident in Judy's voice.

"A cook." Jen repeated with a mocking tone.

"Why'd you say it like that? A cook." Judy imitated Jen.

"I didn't say it like anything."

"You do understand that if she's coming to my bachelorettes, that sends a pretty clear message that I'm taken, right?" 

"I guess." Jen felt like slapping herself forgiving Judy attitude over this when she had done nothing wrong. It just suddenly dawned on her, as if she didn't already know, that Judy wasn't taken, and she could date whoever she wanted.

"No need to apologise. I'm all yours baby."

Judy's voice was playful but it sent shivers down Jen's spine. She had to take a second to get her shit together before finally exiting the bathroom awkwardly to see Judy on the bed, looking at her phone, not even noticing her distress.

It was still fairly early, so Jen took out a book, and sat comfortably to read a little before bed. It apparently helped with falling asleep. What didn't help, however, was Judy scooting her head onto Jen's lap, completely interrupting Jen in the midst of the most boring book she had ever read. The distraction wasn't unwelcome, but Jen's heart was beating at such a pace that she was certain Judy would pick up on it. She didn't.

After a little while, Judy turned her gaze from her phone to Jen, and when their eyes met, Jen realized she had been staring this whole time. 

"Whatcha looking at?" Judy asked with a playful smirk, that made Jen awkwardly look up at her book instead, desperate to hide her furious blush.

"You're kind of distracting me." Jen said, clearing her throat.

"You want me to move?" Judy pouted a little, and Jen was glad to be reading the same sentence over and over again, to not have to fully register the brunette's puppy eyes right in front of her.

"No. I mean no you don't have to." Jen felt even more uncomfortable now that Judy was just looking at her. Fucking Christopher. "This book sucks." Jen put the book on her night stand, which left her hands awkwardly in the air, not knowing where to place them, since all she saw in front of her was Judy. Judy took her other hand, perhaps noticing her awkwardness though she seemed nonchalant about it, and Jen placed her other hand right next to Judy's head, combing through her hair with her fingers.

Judy seemed so natural at this wife thing, so comfortable, yet Jen couldn't manage to make it work for her. Jen thought about the kiss the two women had shared a week prior. They hadn't talked about it, or repeated it, but it kept invading Jen's mind. For Judy it seemed like a natural reflex, and Jen hadn't caught any reaction in Judy's eyes, whereas Jen had spent the entire way home trying to talk herself out of a panic attack mostly resulted by the tingling and the hot blush that Judy's lips had given her. 

Jen had to admit she liked having an excuse to touch Judy. Not having to ignore the longing to hold her hand or kiss her forehead, because typically Judy was the one to initiate those acts. And sure Jen didn't love occasionally being a bumbling idiot around Judy, but that was their dynamic by now. Judy did something that got Jen all flustered, so Jen would act all annoyed, Judy would give her that pout, and Jen would give in immediately. So very them.

Christopher was definitely right, this wasn't just anyone, it was Judy, so of course Jen's pea brain would have reasoned that the only way she could hold Judy's hand without awkwardly pulling away, whenever anyone looked at them, would be to marry her to make Lorna mad. Naturally! What else was she going to do? Just hold Judy's hand without the facade of a marriage purely formed out of spite?

Jen really wanted to know what Judy was thinking. She couldn't grasp what was on the other woman’s mind, and as she played with Judy's hair absentmindedly, she observed the peacefulness of the brunette. She seemed happy enough about the cake and the dress, so maybe it was just that. She was just seeing the silver lining in this mess, which Jen knew Judy would at least try to do, despite the ongoing stress of getting caught.

"I invited Michelle to the wedding." Judy said after a while.

"Okay." Jen just responded, not wanting to bring her own emotions into this. Judy had a friend, who was important to her so Jen would just have to deal with that. It was Judy, and for Judy, Jen would do anything that was necessary for the other woman to be happy.


	6. Maybe there's two of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I am indeed back to business!! I'm hopefully gonna start updating regularly again if anyone's still interested in reading. I'll finish up this and after that I have some other fics planned. Still for Jen/Judy at least for the time being. Hope you guys enjoy, I feel a bit rusty getting back to writing after such a long break. 
> 
> This is more of a filler but we'll get into the meat soon enough.

Things were coming together fairly slowly, and the wedding was only a few weeks away. Since they were only inviting a few people, there was not as much stress about the food and other preparations besides the cake and the wedding dresses. Judy had promised to cook something up, and they were actively searching some diy decoration ideas on pinterest. 

The date had been decided on and the few people that were invited, had cleared their schedules if so needed, so it seemed that wedding was indeed happening and nothing could stop it now.

"Are we having the bachelorettes next weekend?" Judy was going through her calendar, clearing up time for some last minute errands.

"Sure, I doubt it matters much since it's not really a party anyways."

"It can be a party with the right mindset, Jen." Judy pointed out as she wrote something down on her phone. "You're inviting Christopher and Karen."

"Karen? Who said anything about Karen?" Jen whined, but Judy wasn't having it fir once.

"Me. She could use some cheering up."

"Why don't you invite her?"

"You've been neighbors for so long. You guys are probably closer than me and Karen." Judy replied, but both of them knew it wasn't true.

"We really aren't." Jen fought back.

"Good. That's settled then." 

"Who are you inviting?" Jen inquired, suspicious of this arrangement

"Michelle." Judy said, not looking up from her phone.

"Just Michelle? No one else?" Jen's voice remained calm but she didn't look too happy. Judy nodded. "So I have to mingle with Karen all night and you're just going on a date with Michelle."

"It's my fucking bachelorettes party, Jen. We are getting married." 

"Not really though." Jen said, somewhat saltily, making Judy question the severity if this reaction. "I wouldn't blame you if you'd want to go out on a date with Michelle."

"No need to get petty and jealous." Judy wasn't sure whether Jen was dreading the thought of her leaving or her falling in love, but for her own sake she chose to believe, that the blondes reasonings were purely platonic.

"I'm not." Jen defended.

"I'm tied to you for the next few months so I won't be going anywhere."

"After that you'll flee?" 

"I feel like you couldn't survive without me."

"Mmm. You're probably right." Jen just nodded, making Judy tilt her head and give her a warm smile. Which made Jen roll her eyes and look away.

The two women could hear Charlie and Henry making their way down the stairs, and Judy quickly scooted right beside Jen who was just minding her business, leaning against the kitchen counter. Judy pressed the lightest, most careful kiss against Jen's neck, as if to ask "Is this okay?". For the show of course; they had to keep up appearances after all. 

A loud "Get a room!" made Judy turn away from Jen quickly, and she could've sworn Jen had been desperately holding her breath just a second ago. Which made sense just for the sake of awkwardness.

Charlie was giving Judy a look that the brunette was fairly certain Jen wouldn't know to read into, but Judy knew he was disapproving of this facade, and who could blame him really, this was getting ridiculous. Judy turned to Jen with a shy smile, looking up at her to catch an awkward chuckle or a approving nod, but all she found was Jen's firm stare, that quickly moved onto the wall behind the brunette, as soon as Judy had caught her. Judy wanted to read something into the quick glance into the emotion Jen's eyes were full of, but Henry's chatter pulled her from her thoughts too quickly, and the moment was gone.

\----------

When it came to the pairs wedding wear, Lorna had too many ideas, so Jen had decided to ignore her help entirely and let Judy take charge.

"So I'm guessing some hippie dress for you and I'm going in sweatpants if we are just going off vibes here." Jen remarked from the bed with a wine glass in her hand as Judy tried to find something cute but affordable for this dream wedding of theirs.The budget wasn’t enormous since the wedding was a complete sham.

"Something like that." Judy muttered, not fully focusing on Jen, who was impatiently waiting for Judy to yell out bingo so that she could finally go to bed. "You can sleep you know." Judy pointed out into the silence that had fallen.

"Yeah but..." Jen started, and Judy turned to her to catch the woman's face freeze for just a second. "Yeah, you're right." She gathered her response as soon as she saw the slight swing of Judy's hair.

"I'll be there in a second." Judy said, feeling brave enough to look Jen right in the eye as she said it. She didn't need the blonde to admit any kind of defeat, but it was fairly clear and already out there, that Jen wasn't interested in going to bed if Judy wasn't with her. It had to count for something. Jen's restless eyes settled on Judy with an uncharacteristically shy smile.

After ten minutes or so, Judy finally closed the computer and started getting herself ready for bed, humming softly as she paced around the room to go through her nightly routine. She could feel Jen's eyes on her and it made her feel warm, though the brunette didn't match the older woman’s gaze to figure out whether the eyes boring into her back were out of annoyance and impatience or something else. 

Judy climbed in between the covers and Jen finally turned off the lamp on her side of the bed. Though at first the two women were turned away from each other for a moment, Judy quickly found herself wrapping her arms tightly around Jen's waist and resting her cheek against Jen's shoulder.

"I found some pretty sweet hippie gowns online." Judy smiled against Jen's skin. It felt burning hot against her lips.

"Oh really? Anything worthy of our wedding?" Jen turned her head slightly in the dark.

"Mmmhmm we will see. I think we should go shopping tomorrow." Judy said, going over their schedules in her head. "I also found some dresses and a few suits you could take a look at. No pressure or anything, I don't want to decide for you but..."

"I'd love to take a look at them." Jen interrupted Judy mid sentence. "I'm very excited, I really am. But I'm also really fucking tired so do you mind...?"

"Shutting the fuck up?" Judy giggled.

"I would have put it more eloquently but yeah thats pretty much the message I wanted to get across."

"Oh really? You really aren't known for being too eloquent." Judy raised her head to give Jen a playful smile that went unseen in the dark.

"Yeah true but I'm trying to make an effort for my future wife. I don’t know about you but "shut the fuck up" doesn't scream love and tenderness in my opinion." Jen had turned around significantly more as they had started getting into their usual unimportant banter, and Judy was trying to ignore that she could feel Jen's breath on her face.

"Mmm.. maybe." Judy mumbled, hiding her face from Jen's eyes before making her next comment that she was carefully planning in her head. "What does?"

"I guess I could always plant one on you. Seemed to work for you the last time." Was what came out of the blonde, and both women knew Jen was talking after almost an entire bottle of wine, so both women knew to at least try to ignore it. Jen’s entire body felt tense underneath Judy's hold.

"Yeah I don't think you can go wrong with that." Judy said chipperly after a pause that had been too long to let the conversation still carry on normally. Before the brunette settled back into a comfortable position to sleep in Judy tightened her hold a bit to make Jen feel better, like the blonde’s slip up, though it hadn't gone unnoticed, hadn't bothered Judy too much. 

In reality Judy's brain was working tirelessly to figure out what Jen was thinking. What she had been thinking earlier. And from the back of her brain a tiny voice carried out an echo "Maybe it's not one-sided."


	7. No feelings for Judy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a Jen pov!! im a bit later w this than intended but im hopefully gonna get another chapter of this out this week before i update my other fic again. i do hope you guys enjoy !

I don't know what the usual way to go shopping for a wedding dress is but this ain't it." Michelle complained from the back seat, mostly because she was sandwiched between Lorna and Christopher, and had barely any leg room.

"C'mon it's 4 gays and a mother in law, what could go wrong?" Christopher said cheerily. Jen knew how excited he was about this whole thing. Mostly to see Lorna when she finds out it's a lie. Which she won't.

" I wouldn't expect anything else from Jen and... Judy." Lorna said in defense of Jen, however it did sound more like an insult. Jen wasn't sure whether her enormous pause was because she couldn't remember Judy's name or because she didn't even want to say it out loud but both possibilities angered Jen immensely. "Their way of doing things is certainly unconventional."

"I, for one think it's going to be wonderful." Judy seemed pretty confident and when Jen turned to look at her, a warm smile was spread across her face, making Jen feel a number of ways. All of which she did not want to pay attention to.

"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be great." Jen nodded in agreement as she turned on the street of the first boutique they were going to investigate today. Though boutique was merely a word they used to lure Lorna in. In reality the best way to describe the place was a good old flea market. 

"This is were we are getting your-" Judy quickly stopped Lorna on her tracks.

" Our budget isn't too high alright and we want to have a tasteful but environmentally conscious wedding, right babe?" Judy looked at Jen with a silly smile, like they were sharing an inside joke just then, which they sort of were. Because Christopher knew, and Michelle must have also, so Lorna was the sole victim of this practical joke. Highly elaborate practical joke.

"That's right. Honey." Jen awkwardly added and could swear she saw Christopher snickering on the back seat. 

This was already bad enough knowing that Michelle had to be here, when Jen didn't particularly like Michelle. Not to mention Lorna of course, who was the devil, but having Christopher here was by far the worst, because he could not be subtle for his life. And he had gotten into his head that Jen had feelings for Judy. And Jen didn't know if she was capable of changing his mind.

\-----

The particular store they had chosen for their endeavors, did apparently have some good reviews online, and Judy's faith in their offerings seemed to be unwavering. Jen had also heard those reviews, as Judy had read them to her the night before in bed and the blonde had to admit that once they made their way inside, the establishment did have a myriad of wedding dresses amongst many other things just like the various comments had said. So most certainly they would had at least a little bit of variety. The store wasn't too busy either, which had been everyones concern, because reserving a huge flea market had seemed excessive. Lorna seemed disgusted, which brought a smile to Jen's face.

"Who’s gonna start?" Judy exclaimed, clearly bursting with joy.

"Feel free to begin." Jen nodded towards the white section of dresses to their left.

"Okay. So me and Michelle are going to pick some dresses, and you and Christopher can sit down and just wait fir the fashion show. And Lorna.. of course." Judy noticed Lorna's presence as the older woman had finally stopped judging the environment they were in. "And you have to be honest with me, Jen, you can't just say I rock every look. You have to see me in this dress for a whole day so it better be something you genuinely like."

"And night." Christopher just said, not sparing even a glance at Jen, Lorna and Michelle next to her, all looking at him with an expression of shock of some kind. "What? I think the wedding night is worth a mention."

"Don't be so crude, Christopher." Lorna scoffed.

"Lesbian sex is a perfectly normal thing, Lorna." Christopher quipped back at her, and Jen couldn't help but swear under her breath. She knew this would be a shit show.

"Okay I-" Judy was trying to ease the situation but Lorna cut her off.

"Maybe so, but I for one do not need to hear about Jen and Judy's sex life." Lorna was clearly annoyed and Jen could not blame her. Jen, as the person in the middle of this, just formed eye contact with Judy, who was awkwardly trying to find the words to settle down Lorna. Her slight worry turned into an amused smile when Jen appeared in her eye-line. Judy raised a hand to her mouth to politely hide her chuckles over this whole mess. Jen was blushing slightly, but the red tint was light enough to not be seen in the dim lighting of the flea market, so her extreme discomfort remained a secret.

Michelle had stopped cringing and moved on to looking at the wedding dresses, which was a good choice if action, good for her, Jen thought. She turned to Judy to whisper something to her, and the two took a few steps back from the situation at hand to look at the dresses in front of them.

"Alright. I fucking love whatever this is..." Jen awkwardly pointed from Christopher to Lorna. "...but maybe take a chill pill." Jen's eyes settled on Lorna, and the woman thankfully stopped her protest before she had even begun it. "And you..." Jen turned to Christopher, annoyedly looking at his amused face. It was admittedly funny to make Lorna squirm, but Jen really didn't need any more drama. She just gave him a middle finger, which didn't evoke any fear like she had wanted, but instead Christopher bursted into laughter. 

After a twenty minutes of sitting in silence with Christopher whilst Lorna was making calls, he finally spoke up.

"Has something happened between you two?" 

"Me and Lorna?" 

"The fact that Lorna was your first choice, scares me. You want to marry her instead?" Christopher was sporting a comically horrified expression. "No, idiot. Judy."

"No." Jen said with such conviction that she could tell Christopher almost believed it. Until she continued on to question his point and lost all of her confidence in her previous answer. "Why would you think that?"

"You just seem very smitten that's all." Christopher was smiling at the blonde knowingly.

"Oh shut up." Jen waved it off once again. That accusation surely had no roots.

"Not kidding."

"Not smitten." Jen assured him.

"I think I know smitten." Christopher was strongly doubting Jen's ability to judge her own character.

"I think not. I doubt you've ever seen me feel emotion." 

"Marley and m-" Christopher knew the territory he was nearing, and the cheeky smile he shot at Jen before speaking, was enough to make her fight back.

"Don't finish your sentence if you wish to live. That goes with you into your grave." She warned him.

"Judy said you made her watch it." Christopher was as nonchalant as always, almost more calm once he had gotten Jen annoyed.

"I guess I have to get rid of the witnesses now." She slapped the back of his head lightly, making him laugh at her serious expression.

"You should." He agreed.

"Can you stop looking at me like that?" Jen asked after a little while, not able to concentrate on anything when she could make out the all knowing features of her best friend in the corner of her eye.

"No."

\-----

Despite her promise, Jen found a hard time giving constructive criticism on the dresses, when in all honesty Judy was looking beautiful in every single one of them. She just looked good in anything.  
The dynamic ended up being that Lorna took care of trashing every choice, whilst Michelle was taking care of the positives. Christopher was just voicing his opinions honestly, which Judy seemed to appreciate more than Jens awkward silences. 

It wasn't that she had nothing to say necessarily, she just was so overwhelmed by all of this that she didn't know what of the million things coursing through her mind should be let out of her mouth. So she kept her responses fairly short, Jen-like. Christopher was clearly reading into her reactions too much, as he kept smirking at her suggestively and nudging her shoulder. 

"I think it looks really nice." Jen just muttered to the latest dress Judy was wearing, which did indeed look very nice. In fact none of them had looked very bad at all do there wasn't too much to say.

"Nicer than the last dress or less nice?" Michelle unexpectedly teased her, and Jen looked over at her on the other side of the bench they were all seated on.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jen immediately spat out, even thought the meaning of the comment was clear to everyone. 

"Just that we are like constructive criticism here, you are the other bride after all." Michelle pointed out. It was fair. " Do you have anything more to say? Does anything stick out to you?"

"It's okay, you know." Judy chimed in. "Jen doesn't need to have a strong opinion on what I'm wearing as long as she can stand looking at those wedding pictures." Judy joked awkwardly.

"No. No. Michelle is right." Jen could see that Judy genuinely wanted to hear from Jen, so she tried to quickly gather her words into something sensible. "I think you look beautiful." Jen took a pause after the compliment, stopping herself from taking a look at the 3 people next to her. "I'm just at a loss for words. You always look good, in anything you're wearing. But..." Jen tried to think back, and it wasn't too hard to think of the dresses she liked the best. "The second one was especially gorgeous I think, it felt very you. And I really liked the one with the lacey florals." Jen was looking at helm of Judy's dress as she recounted the past dresses and finally looked up to see Judy eagerly agreeing. 

"I liked them too. I loved the florals." Judy nodded to her, pleased. "I think the one before this one was also really pretty."

"It was, yeah. It was very... weddingy." Jen awkwardly motioned her hands, fully concentrated on Judy.

"Look at you and your vocabulary." Christopher joked from the seat right by her, making Jen known of his presence

"Shut up. You know what I mean." She bumped her shoulder with his. 

"It was weddingy." Judy, however was very glad that this word now existed, and that was all that mattered.

\------

After a few more dresses, Jen and Judy finally decided on the dress for the brunette and it was finally Jen's time.

"So what are you gonna wear? Are you going with a dress or a suit?" Michelle inquired, ready to help with the picking, along with Christopher. Which did leave Judy alone with Lorna on the bench.

"I don't know. I just don't want anything that reminds me of my first wedding." Jen said quietly, for once trying to be respectful towards Lorna. "Something simple."

"I mean... you would look like a snack in a good old pantsuit. That's definitely a gay stereotype that would make Lorna rip the hair off her head, huh?"

"Lorna's anger over anything else. Let's go to the pantsuit section." Jen could totally see all of this starting to slowly annoy Lorna more and more.

"You really hate her, huh?" Michelle seemed to be judging the situation but Jen couldn't really blame her. Today had been particularly insane, and the blonde felt like if she could have a second chance at all this, she would have called the wedding off weeks ago. 

"She's the classic monster-in-law." Jen just said. Michelle didn't need to know their history.

"Good for you that Judy is pretty much up for anything then?" Michelle said with a smile but her eyes were saying something else. Jen knew exactly what.

"I know this is stupid and just a messy situation but, truly, it will be over soon. So what's the problem in the end? Lorna deserves a little shock every once in a while to keep her on her toes." Jen tried to remain calm and not get too defensive. This was Judy's friend, someone the brunette liked, so she didn't want to start off on a bad foot with Michelle.

"Yeah, can't lie and say I get it but it is pretty funny." Michelle smiled tightly, maybe not disliking Jen as much as before. 

"Hilarious." 

The two of them kept looking at options whilst Christopher mostly stood aside looking at something completely unrelated, occasionally pulling put a piece of clothing so absurd that even Jen had to laugh. At a silent place Jen finally felt comfortable approaching Michelle on something that had bothered her for a bit now, hoping that she would get some closure.

"So.. um... you must really like Judy?" Jen bursted out, with barely any control, regretting her choice of words instantly. "I mean going through this whole mess with us, it's definitely a big deal to her."

" I do, I do like Judy a lot." 

"Oh, okay... that's great." Jen didn't know why she hadn't expected Michelle to say yes, but it did take her by surprise. She was conflicted about her feelings but also knew Michelle was looking at her just as confused. "You know I think she likes you too and.."

"Not like that." Michelle laughed at the misunderstanding. "She's a great friend, but all yours champ." Michelle winked at Jen, making her instantly regret the road they had gone down.

" No no no... No I'm not interested in.." Jen took a deep breath, feeling instantly a bit calmer now that she had gotten our her main point, which was "No feelings for Judy". "I'm not interested in Judy. We are friends."

"Oh.. okay. No worries. I just thought you were asking me because-"

"Just making sure in case there was something going on... so that I could support you guys. Judy deserves the best." Jen was trailing off because her reasoning fir interrogating Michelle was definitely more accusatory, but she seemed honest enough.

"She really does. Not with either of us but I'm sure with someone just as great."

"Yeah." Jen turned to look at Christopher who was thankfully far enough away to have missed this awkward conversation. Jen released a breath she didn't know she had been holding. There was definitely something going on that Jen decided to leave unanalyzed for now.

Judy for one was wohooing like crazy when Jen was trying on her options. She was also very eager (like always) to share her opinions that were (bless her) all mainly complimenting Jen.

Lorna was fairly silent, mainly voicing her distaste with everything, and Christopher and Michelle were very supportive, though Christopher did also disagree with some of their choices on occasion. Like he should. 

In the end they did find a pretty neat looking suit for Jen if she did say so herself. But she would never use the word neat. It was neat though. Judy was so excited that this almost felt real in the moment. Judy kept gushing about this wedding and Jen couldn't hear a thing because Judy's hand was in Jens as they exited the store, and Jen felt very coupley.

It had been an unusually coupley few weeks but this really made it for Jen. Wedding dresses were a whole other thing. This would really happen, and Jen kind if liked it. Jen thought Judy looked beautiful in her dress, and she would honestly be lucky to marry the brunette, even if it was a sham. It didn't feel like one though. It should, but it was starting to not feel like one. Apart from the occasional reminder from either woman, you wouldn't realize their love was a lie. Which Jen didn't really know what to think off.

\-----  
When the pair had finally taken both Lorna and Michelle to their respective homes and the car pulled outside Christophers house right next to his car, Jen quickly asked if she could walk him to his door, say a proper good bye of sorts. Which was definitely weird, even Judy seemed to think so based on her baffled look, so Jen get out if the car before Judy had a chance to question it. Christopher just went with it. They walked to the front door, Jen fiddling her fingers nervously, Christopher looking at her like she was insane. As soon as Christopher stopped at the door to say goodbye, Jen spoke up, quietly. 

"I'm in love with Judy... I think." She was looking directly at Christopher, her back to the brunette, waiting for her in the car, and she hoped Judy did not pull down the car window. 

"Well, clearly?" Christopher didn't seem too surprised, and even though it was more than expected, Jen rolled her eyes at the response to her big confession.

"Christopher, shut up." Jen was smiling a little when she said this, and she leaned in to give Christopher a rare hug.


	8. Judy this, Judy that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im definitely late with this one but what can i do when one miss taylor swift decides to release a surprise album! im almost done with chapter 9 and ill try to get chapter 10 done today as well so that those two will be ready for next week. also idk if anyone here reads my other fic when judy met jen, but ill start writing the next chapter for that baby this weekend so should expect an update somewhere next week.

Nothing happened. Jen had told Christopher ”the big news”, and nothing had happened since then. When Judy and Jen had gotten home, everything had been as normal as it could considering the circumstances. Later that night, Jen abandoned their routinely reality tv marathon to head in for an early night of sleep, and conveniently blamed it on the tiring day behind the two women. Judy was understanding, as always. The next day it was like nothing had really gone down the day before.

Now, obviously if anyone was at fault for this boring non-turn of absolutely zero events, it was Jen herself, and she knew that. But she also didn't want to tell Judy she was perhaps in love with the other woman. So no work no play there. The week went on and the weekend came around. No more love confessions. And maybe it was better that way. Maybe she had misjudged her feelings.

"I'm totally convinced that Taylor Swift is the best artist of our time." Karens clapping (?!) was what brought her back to earth. She was sat down on the couch, slightly swinging to the beat of whatever song was playing in Jen's living room. 

Had she misjudged her feelings? She hadn't, was the clarity she found as she downed her first drink at her very sad bachelorettes party with her and Karen just sitting mostly in silence. Which there was no complaints about, because it had taken a while to get Karen quiet for just a minute.

"When do you think Christopher is coming?" Karen kept fidgeting in her seat, probably because Jen had quite harshly told her earlier how not excited she was to have people over.

"I don't know?" Jen brought her lips tp the bottle of wine again, very intended on getting hammered. And even more so she intended on not talking.

"Okay." Karen was satisfied with any answer as long as Jen wasn't yelling. She leaned back and sighed loudly. Jen wanted to cancel the wedding just to end the unbearable discomfort she was feeling thanks to Judy inviting Karen into her bachelorettes. But then again, Judy was Judy so, Jen couldn't be too mad. "Judy" being, the love of Jen's life. At least for tonight, with wine heavily influencing her thoughts. 

"You nervous about the wedding?" Karen asked, turning her head just a bit, to catch Jen's eyes, as if she would be executed for making eye contact. It was a smart call from Karen.

"Nah." There wasn't really reason to be. Or maybe there was, in terms of the boys reactions or Lorna finding out or Jen falling even more in lo-

"Yeah I guess you've been there before. So you know the signs of a good spouse, a one that sticks around this time." Karen nudged her lightly as if they were friends.

"Karen, Ted died. I don't think I can predict death." 

"Yeah, but didn't he cheat on you?" Karen tried to reach out for Jen's bottle that the blonde had set on the table, but before she could even get close to it, Jen snatched it from the table like a feral animal.

"How the fuck do you know about that?" 

"Word gets around." Karen just shrugged. Jen was just staring at her because word did absolutely not get around. "Judy accidental-"

"Of course." She did love the dummies.

"To be fair she thought I knew. And she just seemed real mad about it. I think you got a good one." Based on Karen's adoring gaze, Jen felt she wouldn't be surprised if Karen was in love with Judy too.

Jen didn't want to consider what had given Judy a reason to talk about Ted, to someone else none the less, but she couldn't help but wonder.

"When did you guys have the time to talk anyways?" Jen swung the bottle to her mouth again, considering for a moment about the wines effect on her ability to carry a conversation.

"Oh I invited her over for orange wine a few weeks ago." Karen was smiling, that seemed to be a fond memory. Of someone who was too polite to complain about her orange wine. "She really loved that wine." 

"I bet she did." It did make a bit more sense that after a few glasses Judy might start a rant. In fact it was very common in their household. Just one of the things Jen loved about Judy. "What she say?" Jen glanced at the bottle, as if she was reading the name over and over again instead of impatiently waiting for the only scoop of the night she cared about. 

"Oh you know..." Jen really didn't. " She just talked about what an asshole Ted was. I mean... that motherfucker. Cheating is just the worst." Jen was glanced at Karen to keep her on the subject. "And she said that you deserve so much better. Which you do!" Karen kept bringing herself into this equation she was not a part of. "Judy is so protective. That's sweet. Jeff was never like that but then again...! He was..." 

In Karen's teary-eyed but thoughtful pause, Jen was left staring at the woman who was possibly expecting a few understanding words, some comforting. But this was Jen's fake bachelorettes party, and she wasn't about to spend it on consoling sobbing Karen. 

"Gay?" After the silence had gone forever Jen finished the sentence for her, not even blinking.

"Yes, gay." Karen seemed pretty bummed, reasonable enough but Jen reached out for the bottle again, instinctively. Just as she had taken a good long sip, the door bell rang. 

"Thank god." She muttered under her breath and left a very disoriented Karen in her living room, alone, with her thoughts.

"How's my friendly neighborhood milf?" Christopher greeted her, very energetically, holding a bottle of wine in each hand. It wasn't frankincense and myrrh but good enough for Jen.

"I said 8pm. It's fucking 9:36." Was the only thing that came out of the angry blondes mouth, when faced with her friend. She did however take the bottles and retreated into the kitchen with them.

"Sorry! Sorry. I thought it was nine alright? I'm fashionably late to everything. You know that." Christopher chased after Jen, but his apology didn't seem too bothered. "Besides, you got the party wagon right here, what do you need me for?" Christopher pointed towards the living room where Karen was very loudly singing along to Taylor Swift.

"Don't." 

"I do love Lover though? Isn't it kinda cute?" No more lovingly going on and on about Taylor Swift was Jen's objective for tonight.

"Please stop. I did not invite you over to talk about Taylor Swift."

"Oh yeah... you invited me over to gush about your future wife." Christopher leaned into the kitchen aisle, smirking at Jen, who was trying to open the wine bottles in her already tipsy state.

Jen gulped. 

"I mean... yeah." 

"Our conversation was cut pretty short last time. Interested in sharing with the class by any chance?"

"Oh my god Christopher! Nice to see you!" Karen greeted, happy as ever, as she barged into their incredibly private conversation starter.

"Hey! Nice singing out there." Christopher said, glancing over at Jen, who was everywhere but there. 

"Thanks! I mean... Taylor Swift... right?"

"Right! The voice of the people." Christopher joked, but Karen's nodding indicated anything but her understanding the humor of it.

"She really is. Taylor got me through my divorce." Karen was still swinging and dancing to the faint sound of Taylor Swift's melodies, flowing through Jen's house.

"Good for you." Christopher nodded awkwardly as Jen gathered the glasses and headed towards the living room. "How about... tonight we won't think about the past, just the future?" Jen heard Christopher say and chuckled to herself, as if Karen wasn't going to bring up her gay ex-husband again.

"Hell yeah!" And Karen had been defeated for now.

\------

The night was mostly boring, but once Karen passed out, Jen and Christopher quietly tiptoed into the kitchen, hoping to cut into some of that real drama. It was more difficult than it sounded, because both of them were also on the verge of passing out at this point, and they struggled to not run into things in the darkness of Jen's home.

Once they were sitting down, companied with two glasses of water for change, Christopher gently slapped Jen's shoulder.

"What are you gonna do? With Judy?"

"What?" Jen's brain processed the question slowly. "Nothing! I can't do anything." Jen was whispering, and even though the conversation hadn't even begun yet, she was already building up her walls. 

"Sure you can. Tell Judy." Christopher was smiling knowingly, as if he was expecting for Judy to feel the same way.

"No. Fuck! Are you fucking nuts?" Jen yelled as quietly as she could, trying to sound extremely confident in her decision that wasn't even made yet, and the alcohol in her system made the doubt grow by the second.. "She's..." Jen's voice cracked a little. "... too important. To me and the boys. I can't just risk it all."

"You seriously think she wouldn't be completely into it? I mean you're hot.. she's hot... what's the problem?" 

" I'm..." Jen's head was a blur as she desperately tried to form a coherent sentence. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?" Christopher kept insisting.

"I just don't." Jen leaned into her hand, trying to think.

"Not an answer. Come on, Jen."

"I'm not good at things." 

"What things? Like eating pussy or something?" Christopher was definitely not in the right mindset.

"God, no!" Jen's volume level got significantly higher than their not so whispery whispering, so she glanced worriedly towards the living room. No sound at least. "No. I mean yes. I didn't even fucking consider that, thanks Christopher. I just meant simple things like being a person, not lesbian sex."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"No."

"Let's watch lesbian porn." Jen's horrified face said it all. "I mean you gotta learn somehow. And if we pick one with plot, maybe you'll learn people skills too."

"Fuck you." Jen sighed, and looked at her water glass. " I don't think I'm really Judy's type."

"Jen you lit-"

"She's just so sweet and so beautiful, and just good. God she's good. Like there's people who are good and then there's her, a whole other level. She's such a great mom too. To the kids. And she would be a picture perfect wife, but I don't think I would be. I don't really fit that image."

"You're saying these things as if they don't apply to you, and more importantly, as if Judy doesn't already love you despite your flaws."

"But that's different because we are friends, Christopher. Someday she will find someone who fucking... completes her. Just the most perfect son of a bitch you've ever seen, and that's who she will want to spend the rest of her life with. Not the sad widow with 2 kids and a drinking problem. Not that those kids aren't angels, and the drinking problem isn't under control."

"Shut up, Jen. Judy and you are flirting like all the time."

"That's how she fucking is! I mean I didn't realize the romantic undertones until the first time she called me babe after Tuesday’s hustle." Jen was having a hard time accepting anything at the moment.

"She calls you babe? That's no undertones, Jen!" Christopher was now the one getting annoyed. He let his head hit the table, leaving Jens awkward gestures that were companying her stupid excuses, unseen.

"It's a joke! A part of our fucking god awful marriage prank!" 

"In private?" Christopher turned his head just a little, to catch Jen's gaze, before the woman looked away.

"It's... an inside joke." Jen was struggling and Christopher saw right through her. "You know what? You don't know her, you don't know us. I'll just stop listening to you."

"Why don't you just ask her?"

"No." Jen automatically responded, but she was hammered enough to reconsider. "I mean? Should I?"

"Yes, you fucking should! Where's your fucking phone?" 

"What?" This was all happening too fast.

"You have to do it now or you'll chicken out." Christopher was already up and looking around to catch a glimpse of Jen's phone.

"I should text her?" Jen offered.

"No of course not. What would you write? "I'm in love with you, please respond asap." Just call her and speak from the heart." Christopher found finally found the pesky phone.

"Okay." Jen nodded.

"Okay?"

"This is a horrible idea. I fucking hate you." Somebody had to be at fault if all went to shit.

"Here's the phone."

Jen carefully picked out Judy's number, she didn't want to pick fucking Lorna by accident. 

“I don’t know what to say.” She looked over at Christopher and hit dial. “What the fuck am I doing?” 

It rang out a few times before the phone quieted down. Judy rejected her call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally would die for taylor swift


	9. Jen this, Jen that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter this weekend :-) see ya then dudes

Judy and Jen had decided together that, Jen had the house as her bachelorettes home base, and Judy would be the one to go into some bar and have a fun night out with Michelle and some of her friends. Which was really just the most perfect arrangement for the two women. 

Truth be told, Judy was quite happy to be getting out of the house, because for the past week the pairs home life had felt slightly awkward. And Judy wasn't quite clear on the issue, because there was truly a myriad of options. Regardless, everything would most likely be easier after the wedding, since the worst would be over by then. 

"This is us." Michelle looked over at a very charming gay bar cornering a fairly quiet street. There were plenty of barking spots, because gay people are climate conscious, is what Michelle pointed out, and also because most of the regulars lived nearby. 

Judy was still quiet as Michelle's chatter filled the air, whilst they walked to the bar doors and made their way in. She was smiling and nodding to ensure the other woman that she was alright, just deep in thought.

Jen hadn't left her mind once since she had left the house, and she couldn't help but think about how the boys were getting along at Lorna's. 

Michelle apparently noticed her distant stare as she bumped into pretty much everyone as they walked across the tiny dance floor to get to the bar on the other side.

"You all good?" 

"Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm all good." Judy smiled softly and squeezed Michelle's hand.

"Please try not to run into everyone, could be considered a hate crime." Michelle laughed a little as she turned around, still holding Judy's hand, leading her to the bar, few more steps away.

"Oh I-"

"Joking." Michelle looked over at the woman just woken from her slumber.

"Right." 

"Guys, here's Judy. Judy, this is Amber, Lockley and Lauren." Michelle pulled Judy closer to present her to the small group sitting by the bar. "Be nice." Michelle warned them before taking a few steps away from the group to get herself a drink.

Judy shook everyone's hands very politely, earning perhaps slightly confused but endeared reactions. Lauren, kindly gave Judy her seat and offered to stand. 

Michelle walked towards them with two drinks, offering one to a very grateful Judy, surely few drinks and some dancing would help take her mind off of Jen. Or not.

It didn't take long until Jen was brought up in the conversation, which made sense since this was a bachelorettes of sorts after all.

" So, how long have you know Jen?" Amber inquired with genuine interest sparkling behind her eyes. Michelle's friends had been the most welcoming, and by now Judy was feeling tipsy enough to find it difficult to stick to their facade of a relationship. She mentally slapped herself before gathering a response.

"Uh... we met... a few years ago." Judy was nodding as she sipped her very colourful and cute drink. "At a grief group." She joined in on the groups awkwardly shared smile, whilst everyone was probably wondering whether they should offer their condolences or congratulate them. "It just sort of clicked right away. It was love at first sight." Judy thought back at their first meeting and Jen's grumpy outer shell that she worked so hard to crack, to reveal the kind, caring, vulnerable woman inside. " I moved in with her and her kids like a month after we met, and there's been some downs... a lot of downs for sure..." Two deaths and a whole lot of lies."...but we got through all that and here we are!" Judy let her fist fall on the counter with faint force. "Getting married."

"That's really cute. I mean you guys must be like the cutest little family." Amber reached out to touch Judy's arm and the brunette just smiled at her warm and wide and nodded with pride. Because they really were.

"Yeah I mean... I loove the boys so much. They instantly became such a huge part of my life, you know? Just like Jen. I really couldn't imagine a life without them." The thought of divorce crossed Judy's mind in a flash, but right now she was too drunk and smitten to not bask in the warmth of all this love that was flooding in her mind.

"And now you guys are getting married, so you don't have to. What a happy ending." Amber was practically beaming at the happy occasion.

"Yeah it's definitely real sweet." Michelle agreed, but the expression on her face told Judy that she was trying to end the conversation.

"I like talking about Jen." Judy hummed to everyone, but her eyes were on Michelle, who was very much intending to not end this night in tears. 

Michelle nodded just a little, for Judy to see.

"What do you like the most about her?"

"Everything. I like everything about her." Judy sipped her drink and thought about her absolute favourite things about Jen. "She always makes me feel safe. And she makes me feel good about myself. She's funny and beautiful and passionate and she loves her kids so fucking much."

"God, I'm gonna cry. I want what you guys have." Ambers arms were now thrown over Judy's shoulders as she drunkenly held onto the other woman. "That's like love." She pulled back and gave Judy a hopeful genuine smile that now reminded the brunette that it wasn't really love. It was. But not the way Judy might want it to be, the love Amber wishfully wanted for herself.

"Yeah." Judy released a breath she didn't know she had been holding. She was frozen in place, trampled by her thoughts, and she looked up at Michelle, who was standing right beside her, watching the situation go down. "I think I need to go to the bathroom." Amber backed off, wavering in her step, and Judy got up to leave, still holding onto her smile. Michelle turned to her before she left.

"You alright?" She asked and Judy nodded quickly, though her smile had already fallen.

"I'm fine." She wasn't.

\---  
When Judy got into the bathroom, she broke down completely. It really was a pattern of sorts for her to fall for the wrong people. Only this time it was her who wasn't quite right in the equation. 

She felt so stupid, so foolish for even letting herself ever falling in love with Jen. Because this was no ordinary crush that she had perhaps been able to convincingly hide before behind that casual smile and her general joyous compliments. She was now at a point where she was so in love she felt sick. She felt butterflies whenever she shared a moment with the other woman, no matter how small. She felt like crying from pure happiness, whenever Jen made a gesture she knew the brunette would appreciate, like attempting to cook something special for just the two of them, or leaving notes for her to find on the mornings Jen had left for work before Judy was even up yet. 

She couldn't believe that this beautiful strong woman, had not only forgiven her for her irredeemable actions, but taken her in as well as gone through hell for her. And now Judy was in love, and Jen was only making it worse by not only being understanding and loving like always, but she also had to constantly be as close to the brunette as possible, because of this fucking marriage. The sham marriage that Judy had agreed to. No room for the holy fucking ghost, said Jennifer Harding. And even before this all went down Judy definitely had been touchier with Jen than she maybe should. But it was just how she was with everyone. And Jen leaning into her nightly cuddles and letting her hand wonder over to Judy's lap instinctively looking for it's counterpart during movie nights, knowing Judy would eventually reach out regardless... was certainly not discouraging her. Jen tried to sell her annoyance with Judy's touchiness and her positive reinforcement, but Jen also made sure that even if that front was being portrayed, Judy knew that Jen needed it just as much as she did. Fucked up shit.

But the kissing was to much. The kissing and flirting and playing house. It was too much. 

Judy stood up in an instant, when she heard the door of the bathroom open. There were three stalls, and Judy was in the one furthest away from the door. She heard a knock two doors down.

"Judy?" Michelle called out for her quietly. 

Judy wiped her tears away and sniffled for a few seconds before responding with a shaky voice, that betrayed her current state of mind.

"I'm here." She moved her hand to the door handle to crack the door open slowly.

"You alright? I was kind of worried you -" Michelle stopped talking as soon as she saw Judy's teary red face. The woman opened her arms and Judy gladly took the invite to be comforted.

"I just love her so much."

"I know you do."

"And I don't want to lose her." Judy sniffled into Michelle's hair as the woman just squeezed her tighter, holding her steadily.

"You won't."

Judy pulled away a little, still arms wrapped around Michelle's shoulder. She looked up at Michelle, pleading, desperate, small.

"I think I should call her." 

"What?" Michelle pulled away a little more now. "You should not do that. You're drunk."

"I miss her. I could just call her to say hi." Judy's eyes were welling up again and Michelle pulled her in for another hug.

"I don't think anything good would come out of from calling Jen, drunk, when you're clearly going through a lot. Even if it was just to say hi."

"I don't care." Judy didn't know if she was being rebellious or just wanted Michelle to continue talking her out of this, but she didn't make any movement to get out her phone.

"That's the alcohol talking. We should get you a glass of water." 

Judy just stood in the middle of this bar bathroom, hugging Michelle, listening to the faint music coming from the main area. Taylor Swift. Gays love Taylor Swift. 

"Jen's a closeted Taylor Swift fan." Judy mumbled quietly, more to herself than a slightly baffled Michelle, who was now holding Judy up and keeping her from falling, as the other woman was fully leaning onto her but had let her hands sloppily rest on Michelle's steady arms. "She says she hates the music, you know how she is." Michelle didn't. "Our spotify doesn't have a playlist without a Taylor Swift song in it. And she keeps saying she doesn't know how they end up there but I don't think she quite understands that somebody has to ad them. She loves the old stuff, the real cheesy ones." Michelle let Judy talk it out until her arms were starting to feel the weight of carrying a hot mess.

"That's lovely but could you please just-" Michelle gently pushed Judy off her arms and the other woman got up with a little help, as fast as she could manage. 

"Oh my god, I'm sorry." Judy could feel her eyes watering again. 

"It's fine. It's alright." Michelle assured her. "Do you want to go home or-?

"No. No, I should stay." Judy nodded, turning to look at her reflection in the mirror. " I think I'll just.. fo some touching up .. my makeup is a little.." Judy chuckled, it felt good to find something amusing about this whole mess. 

"Yeah." Michelle backed away towards the door to leave Judy to it. 

\----------

After a long and unsettling 20 minutes Judy came back from the bathroom, certainly not feeling much better. She walked straight to Michelle, who was making light conversation with her friends.

"Michelle." Judy felt like she might pass out. Everything felt a little hazy. She steadied herself with Michelle, once again.

"Yeah. You all good now?" The other woman hadn't noticed that something wasn't quite right, and turned to Judy with a smile. Happy to have her back. Lauren offered Michelle a glass of water they were holding out ready for Judy, and the woman passed it on to the nervous brunette.

"I... So...." Judy started, awkwardly glancing at Michelle's friends. "I just called Jen."

Michelle's eyes widened and when she opened her mouth to speak, no words came out. Judy quickly took the glass from the other woman, fearing it might end up on the floor otherwise.

"No shit." Michelle looked at her friends, who were confused and desperate for context. "You should drink up and then we should talk." She said calmly with a smile, but just as shocked and invested as Judy. After Judy had gotten down a bit of water, instead of staying to share, she got up, took Judy's hand and started pulling her outside. 

Once they were outside, Michelle turned around to face Judy, and just stood still, waiting for an explanation. Judy didn't say anything.

"Judy... your silence is making me assume the worst right now. Just please tell me you didn't."

"I did." Judy winced a little, not really knowing whether she should expect Michelle to be upset with her. "I'm sorry... I just had to let her know." 

"Let her know what? What did she say?" Michelle was baffled but not angry or even disappointed. "Judy? What did Jen say." Michelle repeated her question. 

"Well... I told everything... to the voicemail gal." Judy was looking at her feet, still thinking about how this, the feeling after the confession wasn't even the worst to come, because she didn't know yet what Jen would say the next day. 

"She didn't pick up?" Michelle was clearly relieved unlike Judy, who was very much shaking in her boots with stress and anticipation for what was to come.

"No. Her phone is probably on silent or something." Judy was looking at her hands now, really admiring her palms, maybe to remind herself to not start dissociating. "This night has been hell." 

"I'm sorry about that."

"No. No! It's not your fault." Judy's gaze snapped up to see the apologetic look in Michelle's eyes.

"I was meant to take you out to have a fun time without Jen and all the drama and we just ended up talking about her."

"I'm pretty sure I didn't offer many options." Judy shrugged. Sure, this was shit but Judy had to take responsibility for the mess she made. "Everything reminds me of Jen." 

"That's love for you." Michelle smiled now, and the two of them felt finally like they were shedding some of the overwhelming stress to be replaced with a contentness. 

Judy's phone rang. She didn't register it fully until Michelle's widened eyes alerted her of the noise that was carefully getting covered up by the motorcycles riding by and the loud music of the bar flooding the street.

"Fuck. Fuck!" Judy was back in that fearful state, unable to reflect. If only she hadn't sobered up a little in the past half an hour since her phone call, she might still be sporting that stupidity that drove her to make a late night love confession in the first place. Judy panicked and hung up. "I hung up. I hung up!" 

"Good! That's good." Michelle grabbed Judy by the shoulders. "Just breathe. Judy you did right. You should talk about this tomorrow, not right now."

Judy nodded, she didn't know whether she agreed because it was Jen and hers friendship on the line, but her decision making had caused a lot of unnecessary stress tonight. So she went with Michelle's plan.

"Now, what exactly did you say to her in that voicemail?"


	10. Seize the day, bro!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas & happy holidays everyone!!

It was so very sobering for Jen to wake up in the morning, on the couch, cuddled up next to Karen. She looked around for a few seconds, just taking it all in, trying to recall how disastrous their night before had been. Judy. Judy was the only thing clearly on her mind. She could vaguely remember a breakdown of some kind, that made her cheeks redden with embarrassment. Losing her shit wasn't nearly as embarrassing when she was just picking a fight, but she was almost certain that the night before had ended in tears and confusion.

Christopher walked into the room with a cup of coffee, stopping Jen's train of thought. 

"You want a cup?" He asked her, carefully sipping his.

Jen just shook her head. It wasn't very often that she denied coffee, but right now she had to prioritize.

"Did Judy text you or something?"

Judy had rejected her call. Jen reached for her phone on the floor, to see if there was any attempt of contact from Judy. Nothing. Jen could almost still feel the conflict of the night before, suspicion creeping into her mind. Michelle's name had been mentioned more than once in the heat of the conversation, and not in good light.

"She's upstairs. So it's not like she stayed the night even if-"

"Has she come down?" Jen didn't want to think about why Judy had been too busy for a phone call. Rationally speaking it was most likely, just a misunderstanding. 

"Yeah, she came to check up on you like an hour ago but she's sleeping again I think. Pretty bad hangover."

Jen gulped. She was trying to stay cool and not think about the worst ways Judy could've spent her night and concentrate on the best instead. She was having too much fun. She lost her phone. She and Michelle...

"Go talk to her. I'll clean up, get Karen home." Jen shared a grateful look with the man as she got up from the couch, wincing at the sharp pain in her back. Sleeping on the couch? Not the best idea. "No need to thank."

"Thank you, Christopher." Jen said, not bothering to turn around. Christopher knew it was from the heart. 

\--- 

Their stairs had truly never had this many steps, or at least that's how Jen felt climbing them, one by one, as she tried to think of how to approach whatever conversation was ahead of them. When at their bedroom door, she knocked gently, letting Judy know of her presence, before slowly opening the door to take peak inside, to find Judy in bed, still under the covers, awake but just barely. She smiled at the sight of Jen. That was good at least. But she looked seemingly flustered and perhaps fidgety as Jen closed the door behind her and walked to the bed. 

Jen had been silent as she came in, not daring to speak a word, but also fearfully expecting Judy to get confessy and tell her something Jen wasn't so keen on hearing. No such revelations came out, so Jen spoke up, momentarily brushing past her nervousness.

"Missed you." She said as she sat on the bed, purposefully leaving out the I, to make the sentence seem more like passing thought than a confession. Judy seemed relieved more than anything, perhaps just sensing the tension in the air. 

"Me too." Judy said sleepily as she smiled at Jen. There's was something off about her though, and Jen felt herself tense again. The two sat in uncomfortable silence for too long for Jen to come out of it sane.

"So-"

" Did-"

The two women spoke at once, eagerly blurting out the words that they had been nervously keeping inside. Jen smiled at Judy tightly and the other woman matched her gesture. 

"Did you have fun last night?" Jen spoke up, now alone. Her voice was light and disinterested, which made it very clear that she was hiding intensity behind musical tone.

"Yeah!" Judy looked like she was going to cry. . "So much fun!" She forced the smile to return to her face. "The best time." 

"Glad to hear that." Jen was nodding, looking at the sheets, and she knew that her face was betraying her. She did feel awfully bitter and annoyed, that despite saying she wasn't interested, Michelle and Judy clearly did something. They must right? 

"Did you not have a nice night?" Judy's voice was soft as the brunette leaned in a bit. Jen looked up from the sheets to see her waiting for a response.

"Maybe went too heavy on the liquor."

"Amen."

"But it was alright. Very charged. Karen would not shut up about Jeff." Judy laughed a little, and Jen smiled at her. Jen was not going to bring it up if Judy wasn't bringing it up, that much was certain. "I'll go... get myself a cup of coffee."

"Of course." Judy just nodded. 

Jen got up slowly, walked away as if she wasn't quite sure what was the door to the hallway, and really took her time in the handle, waiting for Judy to say something.

"I was really drunk last night."

There it was. Jen turned back to her with a casual smile.

"Well you're a grown woman."

"Jen..."

"Yeah?" Judy seemed frustrated.

"I just want you to know that..." Judy was looking at Jen, desperate for the older woman to say something, but Jen had lost the thread a few moments ago and no longer knew what Judy was so upset about. "I want you to know... that just because I was drunk, doesn't mean I didn't mean it. All of it." Jen's confusion had to be visible because Judy was now looking at her questioning whether this conversation made any sense. "Did you not listen to the voicemail?" Judy's voice was so fragile as she quietly suggested something that did not ring any bells in Jen's mind.

"What voicemail?" 

Judy was staring directly at her now, no longer avoiding her gaze. Her eyes were wide open and Jen could only register panic in them.

"I thought I called you last night." 

"I called you."

"I know... I'm sorry I didn't pick up."

"It's okay. You were clearly busy with... whatever the fuck you're talking about." Jen took a breather, before going back to their earlier conversation. "Why did you think you called me? Did something happen?"

Judy was unable to say anything to Jen's questions, much to her dismay. 

"Was it about the wedding?" Jen tried to rationalize, really consider her options here. Get to the root of their problems.

"I... yes. It was about the wedding." Judy was nodding now, almost tearing up again.

"You know you don't have to do this, right? This whole mess has blow out of portion, I can't expect you to just fake-marry me."

Jen walked to the side of the bed and sat down at the foot of it. 

"No, no. Jen of course I'll marry you. Fake-marry." Judy was rambling now and hard to make sense of. "I was calling... because I had doubts, but I know I want to do this. I'm ready to go through with this." The brunette did seem to be quite coherent and certain when it came to her decision. 

"You sure?"

"Yes!" Judy exclaimed, like it was a stupid question somehow.

"Because if Michelle feels-" Jen could feel she was getting too direct for her own good.

"How is this about Michelle?" Judy pulled back a little in her seat, baffled by the suggestion.

"It's not?" 

"Not that I know of." 

"I thought you two...?" Jen had really succeeded on convincing her very drunk self that Judy and Michelle were together, and now it most likely showed in her genuine confusion.

"No." Judy said firmly. 

"Oh, alright." Jen just nodded, looking around the room, not necessarily avoiding Judy's piercing eyes that were clearly looking for answers, just deep in thought. "I mean if you two were... together, I'd be happy."

"You would?" These mixed signals had to be fucking with everyones heads by now.

"Yeah of course! What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't want the best for you." That was the question circling in her head as she couldn't help but wish, somewhere deep inside, underneath the doubt and self-hatred, that Judy might feel the same way as her. "And Michelle seems great." Better than Jen, that was for sure. Way less baggage. Way better omelettes. 

"We really are just friends." 

"Just friends." Jen felt like she was nearing the unhinged territory as she tried to process this new information, that somehow made things more complicated, as that meant Judy was single, and not interested in Michelle, so the big confession was still on the table. "Right." She was nodding, occasionally searching Judy's eyes for something other than pure confusion over the direction this conversation had taken. "Maybe we should have like friend group. Me, you, Michelle. Best friends."

"Yeah...are you still drunk?" Judy chuckled a little.

"I wouldn't be surprised if I was." Jen wished she could blame everything on the alcohol. But her head was a mess of feelings, wine or not.

"Before you go, what was it that you-"

"Jen!" Christopher yelled from downstairs at the exact right moment. "We are leaving!"

"I should go say-" Jen got up from the bed, slowly, as if she anything could keep her from leaving and avoiding whatever Judy was about to ask her about. The fucking phone call being the whatever in question.

"Yeah, yeah go." Judy smiled, sleepy, but significantly more at ease than before. Everything felt easier.

As soon as Jen got out the door, she ran downstairs, only to be faced with Karen keeping company to Christopher, so no secret conversations were to be had. 

"You okay?" Christopher had clearly noticed something was off, but Jen nodded in defeat, Judy was going to be down soon anyways. There was no time to really stay and chat through her current state of mind.

"Yeah. I'll see you at wedding." 

"You'll see me before that. I'm pretty sure Lorna doesn't want the bride to stay with the other bride so we will definitely be having a sleep over." Christopher was not very good at hiding his excitement over the concept of some old-fashioned girl talk.

"Isn't that kind of a dumb tradition?" Jen was already having a hard time with the idea of putting her love in to words, and splitting her time with Judy in half? That would not make this easy, 

"I think Lorna just wants as much control over this day as possible. She isn't too pleased with this whole.." Christopher gestured generally. "...thing."

"Yeah that's pretty much the point." Jen could hear Judy's swift steps on the stairs as she came down. Christopher said his goodbyes and left Jen standing by the door, really taking her time closing it, and taking a few breaths before walking into the kitchen, to find Judy making them some breakfast. 

Jen had an opportunity to just stand by the door frame, looking at Judy pacing through the kitchen, mumbling to herself, and while taking it all in the thought of a confession was looming in her head, making her tense up again. She considered whether it was better to not say it ever again out loud. The feelings she was having. If she just didn't mention them again to Christopher, maybe they would fade away quicker. She had gotten a second chance after all in that rejected phone call.

But when Judy turned around and looked up at Jen, she thought once again, like perhaps she would have the night before if she had been able to come up with anything coherent, that love was worth the risk. Jen's mouth slipped into a familiar smile. That genuine adoration painted over her resting bitch face, whenever Judy was around. 

For fucks sake. Why was this so god damn difficult?

Jen wanted to say something funny, make light of the situation. She wanted Judy to tease her. She wanted to roll her eyes at Judy's stupid puns. But she couldn't bring herself to think about any words that weren't "I love you" and that was a sentence that wouldn't leave her mouth. 

"It's almost 11. I bet Lorna is going to bring the boys back soon." The way Judy said it, was like she was trying to speak them both out of a panic attack. It was oddly comforting, but Jen couldn't help but disapprove of her own choice of not telling Judy straight away, because that was why they were now at the place in their relationship were they needed the kids to be in the house to rip the discomfort away. 

Jen knew it was her fault that Judy was reading so much into all this and taking in her very fucking stressy behavior, but it was difficult to act normal in light of last night. Really admitting to herself she loved Judy, and getting to talk about the her as if this was their reality... she couldn't just keep it locked up inside. Judy made her so happy. Loving Judy made her so happy. 

"You alright?" Judy seemed definitely more chipper after their heart to heart.

"Uhh... yeah. Fine. I'm all good."

"I can tell somethings wrong." The brunette's back was to Jen as she spoke, and she knew it was perfectly intentional. Judy had this magical way of not pressing on things Jen didn't want to talk about, just sort of gently, but nonchalantly giving her a push. 

I love you. Was what Jen wanted to say.

"It's the nerves. I'm okay. Really." Judy turned to the kitchen aisle, and Jen, with the cutting board in her hand.

"Yeah. This is all a lot." As soon as Judy had gotten the last word out of her mouth, she looked up to see Jen in turn be the worried one. "But like I said, I think it's worth it. We should just try to have nice time. It doesn't need to change anything." 

"It won't. We still live together. We are a family. We both take care of the boys. We sleep..." Jen cleared her throat realizing maybe that last point was a line they shouldn't have crossed, though for the sake of appearances it did work out just fine. "We are practically a married couple."

"Yeah. This has actually felt... pretty easy, you know?" Judy was carefully stealing glances at Jen, and the blonde couldn't tell if she was trying to read her. "I just get to spend every day with my best friend." Her eyes settled on Jen, and she ended her sentence on a warm smile.

"Yeah. I mean you're a fucking peach so it's pretty easy to act all lovey dovey." Jen was very firmly aware of Judy's eyes on her, this felt like an intimate conversation after all, so she, despite struggling immensely, kept up the intense eye contact. "You definitely didn't just hear me use both peach and lovey dovey in the same sentence." Jen tried to playfully note as a tint of red was making an appearance on her face.

"You're such a softie." Judy tilted her head a little, letting out an aww sound that would make Jen want to shoot herself, if she wasn't feeling completely utterly smitten with the brunette. 

Jen rolled her eyes, to make it clear that she disapproved such sentiment, and walked over to Judy to grab herself a cup of coffee. For a moment she forgot she had a problem to solve, a confession to tell. Jen considered once again whether she could just keep this up until Judy eventually moved away, but it didn't feel right, to either of them. Maybe she could get a little intoxicated again and spit it out before the secrecy would kill her. There was no way she was going to have an emotional chat, with possibly rejection at the end of it, when she was sober.

That evening, with the boys back in the house, Jen barely had a chance to get a second with Judy alone, she was just that popular. The brunette really was the heart of this family, which was exactly what had made Jen fearfully wonder whether her feelings could possibly drive Judy away and ripped that heart right from the beating chest of this household.. 

But looking at Judy playfully joining in with Charlie to make fun of Jen, or Henry snuggled into Judy, fast asleep as the rest of the family chatted in the dim light of the tv, the best case scenario was too good to be true. After Ted, too good felt like chance she was willing to take. A lot had happened in the past year or so, and what it had really taught Jen was to never take anything granted. You gotta seize the day bro! Like Charlie once said. And Judy several times since, earning laugh from Jen every single time.

So seizing the day it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was originally going to have this be longer to squeeze in a Judy pov as well, but it was getting quite long already and i really wanted that christmas day update so i decided against it. butttt ill probably either post the judy pov of some morning after thoughts within the next chapter or just a separate chapter if that gets long as well. 
> 
> dont know exactly when the next chapter will come out cause i might update my other fic next, really just depends on what in feeling any given day.


	11. A little too heavy on the liquor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiii 🥴 finally got out that Judy pov huh? lol but yeah shit is going down rn but im definitely writing and trying to get something out too hopefully. 3 more chapters coming up and its gonna get very confessy soon so get ready kids 🤪

It was almost 3 am when Judy finally found herself home. Jen was thankfully asleep, Judy didn't know if she could've handled a confrontation after the night she had had. She took a quick look into the kitchen, and once she had gotten a little water into her system, she peeked into the living room, where Jen was passed out on the couch next to Karen. Judy couldn't help but chuckle, at how close those two looked right now, sleeping peacefully, when in reality Jen couldn't stop grinding her teeth when Karen was around. 

Judy quietly made her way upstairs, to the bedroom, in hopes of getting a good nights sleep before the boys were home from Lorna's. Christopher's snoring from the guest room rang in the hallway, so everybody seemed to be asleep but her. She went to bed with a surprisingly blank mind, not worrying too much about the voicemail, mostly thanks to the alcohol, Judy thought to herself. But at least Jen hadn't called her more than once. Can't be that bad really. 

\----

What felt like 10 minutes later, Judy shook groggily from her slumber to find herself in bed alone. It took her a moment to remember what had gone down the night before, and why she wasn't cuddling up to a warm body like she usually was. The brunette sat up to look around, listening to the complete silence of her surroundings. When she glanced at the time, it was almost 8 am, which should mean that everyone was awake, but after a night of hard alcohols, that was most likely not the case. She felt around her dry mouth with her tongue, dying for something to drink. She reached out for the glass that usually occupied the table on Jen's side of the bed, but it wasn't there, naturally. Judy laid back in defeat, but bounced back after a few seconds. She might as well go downstairs to see if anyone else (Jen) might be up and willing to chat with her.

As she came down the stairs, Judy could faintly hear noise coming from the kitchen, so she had a pretty good chance of getting her chat. However, once at the doorway, she found Christopher rummaging through the cupboards, instead of one Jen Harding. 

"Whatcha doing?" Judy called out to Christopher who jumped at the voice. 

"God, Judy. You scared the shit out of me." Christopher turned his attention quickly back to his task at hand. "I'm just looking for something to eat that isn't organic seeds or something completely vegan." 

"Oh, I see." Judy wasn't sure if she could help with that.

"I didn't know Jen was such a health nut." 

"Well I don't exactly tell her what I put in the food." Judy admitted. Jen wasn't particularly open to her vegan meal options (though she wasn't completely against it either), so Judy quietly replaced everything in their food with something a little better for the environment. 

"Cheeky." Christopher chuckled at that, also knowing full well Jen was the worst when it came to changing her bad habits. "You had a fun night?"

" Yeah." Judy nodded awkwardly. It was quite possible that Christopher knew about the mishap, after all. "I just came down to get myself a glass of water. I might still go back to bed for a bit."

"Suit yourself." 

Once she had her glass, she found herself still the kitchen, just standing and looking around. Christopher gave her a knowing look, but Judy was tactically looking away from him. 

"Uhm... is Jen awake?" Judy tried to say it as nonchalantly as possible, but she was too overwhelmed to do so.

"No. Fast asleep." Christopher nodded towards the living room.

Jen gave him a smile, before creeping into the living room to catch a glimpse of Jen. She was indeed very much asleep, still cosied up next to Karen. Maybe it was better they didn't talk before they were both all well slept and caffeinated.

\----

Judy swiftly returned to her chambers. She laid in their bed, now starting to let the worry fully take over, and felt like she might cry anytime now. 

What the fuck had she done? Ruined their family completely. Again. Destroyed everything. Again. She couldn't even remember what she had said, thats how fucking hammered she had been. She could only recall some of the crying that occurred in the early morning hours when she had actually started to sober up.

Slowly she fell back to sleep, still regret filling up her mind. 

\------

Judy woke up an hour later, not feeling much more refreshed at all. She could hear some noise coming from downstairs, so everyone was most likely awake by now, but she decided to stay in her very comfortable bed and perhaps make an attempt to get it together before going down. 

She found herself slightly shocked when she could moments later hear Jen coming up the stairs. She knew it was Jen from the heavy but slow step, as the older woman usually made an effort to not crouch too much and really make the stairs a blast for her back. Her step was steady and familiar.

She heard a knock on the door, but didn't even have time to respond before Jen already cracked it open. When Jen's face was finally in the doorway, a wide smile appeared on Judy's face, despite her nervous state of mind. God she had missed this woman. 

"Missed you." Jen said very heartfully. Judy was glad it was Jen breaking the silence for once. 

"Me too." The brunette gave Jen a soft, grateful nod. After a little too long of a time spent awkwardly staring into each others eyes and looking away. Judy finally spoke up, and so did Jen.

"So-"

"Did-"

The women smiled at each other for a moment, both clearly eager to go over the events of the night before. Judy felt relieved, as Jen didn't seem to be in a bad mood at least.

"Did you have fun last night?" Judy wasn't sure whether Jen had presented her with a trick question, and felt slightly unsettled by the unspoken phone-call looming in the future of this conversation.

"Yeah! So much fun." Judy wasn't at all convincing. Where were her lying skills when she needed them. "The best time." She added with an awkward smile.

"Glad to hear it." Jen nodded, but she was very clearly avoiding Judy's gaze. The blonde did not seem too happy with the answer, but then again, Judy was lying through her teeth. 

Shit shit shit. Should she have just brought up the phone call just now?

"Did you not have a fun night?" Judy offered, hoping Jen didn't see her confession as a night ruining and even worse, potentially a life ruining event.

"Maybe went a little too heavy on the liquor." Jen admitted and the two women shared a look of "of course Jen did". It lifted some awkwardness off of Judy's shoulders, though she wasn't sure whether Jen was too focused on her nervous posture.

"Amen." Judy agreed with a peaceful smile.

"But it was alright." Jen smiled back at her, a normal smile, a comforting one. "Very charged. Karen would not shut up about Jeff." She added, and Judy broke into light laughter. Very Karen to bring up Jeff at any chance she got. When Judy's eyes met Jen's again, the woman was looking at her with a thoughtful smile. She was going to-

"Erm... I'll go.... get myself a cup of coffee." Jen gestured, a little unnecessarily animated for her, but Judy could catch the hint. Jen was not interested in a serious talk. 

"Of course." 

Jen walked to the door at an excruciatingly slow pace, as if to say she wasn't quite ready to leave the conversation on this note. So Judy spoke.

"I was really drunk last night." Judy could swear she saw Jen's shoulders drop.. in disappointment? Relief? The blonde turned around with a tight smile. 

"Well you're a grown woman." The light tone of Jen's voice was gone.

"Jen..." Judy breathlessly called out, desperate for the other woman to let her in, let her know what Jen was thinking. 

"Yeah?" Jen's blue eyes softened a little, and she tilted her head.

"I just want you to know that... I want you to know..." Judy was trying to study Jen's face, considering whether it was too late to back away from having this conversation. "...that just because I was drunk, doesn't mean I didn't mean it." Judy was trying concentrate on the doorframe, to give the illusion of eye contact, despite not being strong enough to quite face the blonde's reaction. "All of it." Judy looked up to see Jen furrowing her brow in confusion, her mouth agape. She was clearly bot following the conversation at all. "Did you not listen to the voicemail?" Judy's spoke quietly, not sure whether she was more scared of Jen not knowing what she was talking about, or Jen rejecting the subject all together. At least the second one was direct. As direct as Jen Harding could be, with her emotionally repressed ways. 

"What voicemail?"

"I thought I called you." Judy responded quickly, studying Jen's reaction.

"I called you." Jen said poignantly.

"I know... I'm sorry I didn't pick up." Judy realised, if Jen's phone call hadn't been about her confession, Jen must have really needed her and she had bailed.

"It's okay." Jen assured her. "You were clearly busy with... whatever the fuck you're talking about." Judy winced a little when Jen's voice caught a petty high she could recognise. "Why did you think you called me? Did something happen?" 

Judy completely panicked in this moment. It was too late for her to go back now, but she hadn't prepared for a redo of the night before at such a raw and sober state. Just as she was about to blurt out some incoherent truths, Jen cut in to help her out.

"Was it about the wedding?"

A very good diversion indeed.  
"I... yes. It was about the wedding." Judy felt overwhelmedly relieved but a little disappointment was also grabbing a hold of her heart.

"You know you don't have to do this, right?" Jen was gesturing generally, and really being her sweet understanding self, which was making this significantly worse for Judy. "This whole mess has blow out of portion, I can't expect you to just fake-marry me."  
Jen sat on the bed and gently squeezed her leg. 

"No, no. Jen of course I'll marry you." Judy was smiling a little at the notion that she wouldn't do anything and everything to please Jen. "Fake-marry." She added. She was on the shore now but the wave of nervousness was still making an appearance as she spoke. "I was calling..." She started, and as she was not speaking from the heart like she had planned, she had no idea where this was going. "...because I had doubts, but I know I want to do this." Judy nodded to herself. "I'm ready to go through with this."

"You sure?" Kind, considerate, wonderful, loving Jen.

"Yes!" Judy said a little too forcefully.

"Because if Michelle feels-" Judy's reaction was pure confusion. 

"How is this about Michelle?" She pulled back a little in her seat, baffled by the suggestion.

"It's not?" Jen was still at her feet, and gently poking the bear. A very cuddly, nice bear. She was poking Winnie the Pooh.

"Not that I know of." Maybe Judy had gone overboard with the teasing, then again why should Jen care unless she did very much care.

"I thought you two...?"

"No." Judy shook her head, ending those rumours there. 

"Oh, alright." Jen was clearly thinking her next words carefully, and Judy patiently waited for her to find the right ones. "I mean if you two were... together, I'd be happy."

"You would?" Judy was a little taken back.

"Yeah of course!" Jen exclaimed, slapping her leg a little. "What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't want the best for you." Jen said like it was a no-brainer. And it was a no-brainer. "And Michelle seems great." Judy wasn't sure if that was quite how Jen felt, but she did seem mostly genuine.

"We really are just friends." Judy assured her with a sad smile that one might assume had something to do with Michelle, even though it was very much Jen related melancholia.

"Just friends."A chipper smile made an appearance "Right." She was nodding, and Judy was unsure whether Jen thought she was joking for some reason. "Maybe we should have like friend group." Jen's voice had an unnecessarily petty tint. She really didn't care for Michelle, huh? "Me, you, Michelle. Best friends." A tight smile forced Judy to let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah...are you still drunk?" She teased the blonde.

"I wouldn't be surprised if I was." Jen's voice was apologetic to say the least. They really were going through it.

"Before you go, what was it that you-" Judy started, but got interrupted before getting to the meat of things.

"Jen!" Christopher yelled from downstairs. "We are leaving!"

"I should go say-" Jen got up from the bed, slowly.

"Yeah, yeah go." Judy smiled, sleepily,, as if she wasn't dying to know what exactly was going on her. Jen made her way to the door in long but slow strides, almost like she both, wanted to leave this conversation, and wanted to offer Judy the opportunity to ask her to stay. But Judy would have needed longer to find the right words, and before she knew it, Jen’s slow drawn out footsteps could be heard, getting quieter, until they stopped and Jen was gone. Judy laid back in the bed.


End file.
